IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into the categories, from 1995 to 2002

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into the categories, from 1995 to 2002
The bar chart compares the number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 in billions of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories for the year from 1995 to 2002. The UK telephone calls are divided
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 as local, national
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 international
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
mobiles
Replace the word
mobile
 calls.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 local calls recorded a substantially higher peak of 90
minutes
Use synonyms
 as compared
61
Change preposition
to 61
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 for national-international calls and 45
minutes
Use synonyms
 for mobile calls.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1995 to
1997
Punctuation problem
1997,
show examples
 local call grew from approximately
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
72 to 85
minutes
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 for national and international it grew from 38 to 45
minutes
Use synonyms
. The figures for mobile calls are
lower
Punctuation problem
lower,
show examples
 approximately
it
Correct word choice
, and it
show examples
 grew by 4 to 8
minutes
Use synonyms
 respectively. In 1998 and
1999
Punctuation problem
1999,
show examples
 locals
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
 in range and recorded the highest number at roughly 89 to 90
minutes
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 national and international calls were considerably lower at 47 to 49
minutes
Use synonyms
. The
mobiles
Replace the word
mobile
 calls were recorded lower from 9 to 12. As per recored locals calls
fall of
Check wording
apply
show examples
from 2000 to
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
show examples
 approximately 85 to 72
minutes
Use synonyms
. The pattern was reversed for national and international
calls
Punctuation problem
calls,
show examples
 it grew by 56 to 61
minutes
Use synonyms
. The major horizontal growth happened in mobile calls
it
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 grew by 23 to 47 as compared to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 five years, but the growth compared to local calls and national-international calls
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 down.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "divided" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: