The bar charts compare the average price of a hotel room per night with the proportion of rooms occupied in various regions of Australia in 2009.

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The bar charts compare the average price of a hotel room per night with the proportion of rooms occupied in various regions of Australia in 2009.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar charts compare the average price of a hotel room per night with the proportion of rooms occupied in various regions of Australia in 2009.
The bar chart illustrates the average price of the hotel rooms and the percentage of rooms occupied in Australia in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the large
hotels
Use synonyms
recorded the highest average room prices and
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
occupancy rate
also
Linking Words
. There were two occupied
hotels
Use synonyms
, the large
hotels
Use synonyms
represented the highest number with 230 in 3
star
Use synonyms
hotel,
while
Linking Words
115 people banded the
3
Correct your spelling
3-star
star
Use synonyms
small
hotels
Use synonyms
.
4
Correct your spelling
4-star
star
Use synonyms
average represented
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
increase in both categories
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, to 175 and 290.
Whereas
Linking Words
in
5
Correct your spelling
5-star
star
Use synonyms
, large
hotels
Use synonyms
showed 105
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
than
4
Correct your spelling
4-star
star
Use synonyms
, small
hotels
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
decreased to 90
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is the lowest occupied number among all categories. Turning to cost per night, the large
hotels
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
always more expensive than small ones,
such
Linking Words
as in 3
star
Use synonyms
large
hotels
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
20 more expensive than small
hotels
Use synonyms
with 95. Meanwhile, in
4
Correct your spelling
4-star
star
Use synonyms
average, it represented 155
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
the small
hotels
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
also
Linking Words
20
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
cheaper
then
Linking Words
large ones. Whilst
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
both of them represented the most expensive cost in 5
star
Use synonyms
room, large
hotels
Use synonyms
reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
245
dollar
Use synonyms
for per night,
while
Linking Words
small ones
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
210
Use synonyms
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hotels, star, dollar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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