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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The student who study from the school to university get benefit less and contribute less too, than those of student who go to travel or job and get skills and experience before going high. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The impact of
job
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experience
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 has sparked considerable discussion in recent years.
Although
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 some argue that it is difficult to find a decent
job
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 with out experiences, fresh out of the university,
while
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 others believe that gaining
experience
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 is necessary. In my opinion,
i
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I
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 completely agree with having experiences before heading to the higher
job
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 industry.
This
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 essay will explain why.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, almost every
job
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 market requires skilled employees.
For instance
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 , Indeed is a website where
people
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 search for work
,
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; the
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 majority of the companies require at least one or two years of work
experience
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. The skilled
people
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 tend to contribute to the communities
,
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;
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 they are known as a handyman.
Furthermore
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, skilled workers, most of the
time
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time,
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 are successful. They tend to be innovative and
hard working
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hard-working
.
People
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,
as a result
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, will benefit
and
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apply
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,
the
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and the
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 economy will rise significantly.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point to consider is that
people
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 with less
experience
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 have had a hard time to find
job
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.
For example
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, a billion-dollar company never employed with no
experience
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.
Therefore
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, learning in school is not enough
,
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;
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 having practical skills is very important.
Moreover
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, in today's economy
life
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, life
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 with out life-goal is dangerous. If someone wants to hit their goal in future, they have to gain
experience
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 by working hard.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
i
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I
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 strongly believe
before
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that before
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 heading to
high earning
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high-earning
 industries, everyone should get skills and
experience
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.
This
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 is mainly because it will increase the
job
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 options and help anyone
hit
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achieve
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 their future life goals.

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task response
Make your main view clearer in the first part. Say that you agree that students should work or travel before university, not only before a high-paying job.
task response
Answer all parts of the topic. Explain how a gap year can help students learn skills, grow up, and give more to work or society after university.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For each point, give a reason, a clear example, and the result. The example about Indeed is useful, but explain how it proves your point.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, say that a student who works in a shop can learn time use, team work, and how to speak with people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this four-part plan, but make each body part focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Do not start too many sentences with words like “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “Moreover”. Add clear links such as “This means that” and “As a result” when you explain the point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words from the question. You move between university, jobs, skilled workers, and high-earning jobs. Make the link between these ideas clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your end part match your main view. It should sum up the two reasons from the body parts: better work skills and clearer future plans.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You use ideas about work skills, job choice, and future goals that are related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, two main body parts, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to show addition and result, such as “Furthermore”, “Therefore”, and “as a result”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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