IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The given line graph illustrates the
Use synonyms
visitors number
Correct word order
number of visitors
show examples
 who explore four prominent
tourists
Replace the word
tourist
 places Art gallery,
pavillion
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 and
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
 in
Brighton
Punctuation problem
Brighton,
show examples
 England.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
pavillion
Correct determiner usage
the pavilion
show examples
 and art gallery
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most popular attraction sites for
visitors
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the festival
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 was least popular sites
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 there
is an upward trend
Correct word order
was an upward trend in visits
show examples
 to
visit
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
pier
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. In detail,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was about 21 and 22
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 who visited
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 and
pavillion
Use synonyms
 as the figure increased significantly in 1985
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 to 37%.
However
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 dramatically in 1990
was
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
 about 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The ratio of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was 28% in 1985 in
pavillion
Use synonyms
 as the number
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 gradually and hit a point of 48% in 1990. As for more, 30 percent tourists attend local festivals at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the figure increased slightly and
then
Linking Words
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 stable
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
pier
Capitalize the proper name
Pier
show examples
 was the least popular
sites
Fix the agreement mistake
site
show examples
 among
visitors
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 10% people
visits
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 in
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
show examples
 as the figure shows fluctuataing trend across all years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, pavillion, pier, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage of tourists
  • visitor numbers
  • popular attraction
  • the most visited site
  • the least popular attraction
  • a sharp increase
  • a gradual decline
  • a slight fluctuation
  • reach a peak
  • fall to a low point
  • remain relatively stable
  • overtake another attraction
  • show an upward trend
  • follow a downward pattern
  • experience a dramatic rise
  • account for
  • in contrast
  • by the end of the period
What to do next:
Look at other essays: