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Writing Samples
Band 4

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness, and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 start to have a brand new idea
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 a person's worth.
This
Linking Words
 new thinking nowadays is estimated by a person's social
status
Use synonyms
 and material possessions.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reason
for
Correct word choice
why
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 society today tends to admire
people
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 with high social
status
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 rather than those with a high moral
character
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.
Body paragraph 1
Individuals worth in social
status
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, relative to those with low material
possessions
Punctuation problem
possessions,
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 reported higher levels of materialistic value. Acted as our mentor, they helped us more fluently to develop our professional pathway.
This
Linking Words
 is simply because, without their help, there are fewer chances for domestic workers to meet different professionals
in
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from
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 other nationalities. When workers
met
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 them, they can interactively share their points of view with the professionals,
for example
Linking Words
, learning together from experiences, or knowing the up-to-date social information. These can open our horizons and
gain
Verb problem
help us gain
show examples
our
Correct determiner usage
a
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 global view. Not only gained from your own particular area, but
also
Linking Words
 learned through different perspectives of the whole industry.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having refused or not focusing on others' moral
character
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, it allowed them to focus on what they are expected to gain.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, moral
character
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 is
also
Linking Words
 valuable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 ourselves. Once having lied or showed unrespect, you lose trust from them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, making friends or building long term relationship was based on a person's conduct.
People
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 seem to be judged on their honour, kindness, and trust
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if you had known each other at a certain time. Small issues may affect others' thoughts on you, so moral
character
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 is important for
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 with social
status
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 can guide our pathway
is
Correct pronoun usage
, which is
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 the reason why
people
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 nowadays mostly seem to judge
according to
Linking Words
 social
status
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 rather than those with moral
character
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, so I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. You say you agree, but the body also says that good values are important. State how far you agree, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Explain if honour, kindness, and trust are still important today, not only why high-status people may help workers.
task response
Use clearer main ideas. One body paragraph can explain why money and status get much attention. The next can explain why trust and kindness still matter in work, family, and friendship.
task response
Give real, clear examples. For example, a rich worker may get a job at first, but a kind and honest worker can keep the trust of a team and clients.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first main idea, second main idea, conclusion. Begin each body paragraph with one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject changes. For example, say who “they”, “them”, and “our” mean each time. Keep one point in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a clear way. Use words such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not add many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match the body. If you fully agree, explain why moral values have less value. If you think both matter, say that status may bring chances, but good values are still needed for long-term trust.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the conclusion and you try to discuss both social status and moral values.
task response
You include ideas about work, friendship, trust, and long-term relationships, which are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “However”, “Furthermore”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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