IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness, and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 start to have a brand new idea
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 a person's worth.
This
Linking Words
 new thinking nowadays is estimated by a
peron's
Correct your spelling
person's
 social
status
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 and material possessions. Contrary to the
privious
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previous
 years,
people
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 identify honour, kindness, and trust as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important elements of our well-being. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
view
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.
This
Linking Words
eassy
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essay
 will
dicuss
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discuss
 the reason
for
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apply
show examples
society
toaday
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today
 tends to admire
people
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 with high social
status
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 rather than those with a high moral
character
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.
Body paragraph 1
Individuals worth in social
status
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, relative to those
in
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with
show examples
 low material
possessions
Punctuation problem
possessions,
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 reported higher levels of
materilistic vlaue
Correct your spelling
materialistic value
. Acted as our mentor, they
help
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helped
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 us more fluently to develop our professional pathway.
This
Linking Words
 is simply because, without their help, there are fewer
chance
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chances
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 for domestic workers to
Body paragraph 2
meet different professionals
in
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from
show examples
 other nationalities. When workers
met
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 them, they can interactively share their points of
view
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 with the professionals,
for example
Linking Words
, learning together
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 experiences, or knowing the
up to date
Correct your spelling
up-to-date
 social information. These can open our
horrizons
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horizons
 and gain our global
view
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. Not only gained from your own particular area, but
also
Linking Words
learning
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 through different perspectives of the whole
industries
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industry
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having refused or not focusing on others' moral
character
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, it allowed them to focus on what they are expected to gain.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, moral
character
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 is
also
Linking Words
 valuable for
ourself
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ourselves
show examples
. Once having lied or showed unrespect, you
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 trust
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, making friends or building long term relationship was based on a person's conduct.
People
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seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be judged on
your
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their
show examples
 honour, kindness, and trust
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if you had known each other at a certain time. Small issues may affect others'
thinkings
Replace the word
thoughts
 on you, so moral
character
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 is important for
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 nowadays mostly
seems
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seem
show examples
 to judge
according to
Linking Words
ocial
Correct your spelling
social
status
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 rather than those with moral
character
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. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
view
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. In my opinion, moral
character
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 is more important than social
status
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 you may lose
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 if you have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad conduct in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run.

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task response
Your view changes. At first, you fully agree that status and money are more important. At the end, you say good conduct is more important. Choose one clear view and keep it in every part.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Say how far you agree, then explain why old values are less important now, or why they are still important.
task response
Make each main idea clear. The first body part says people with status can help workers, but it does not clearly show why this means a person is worth more.
task response
Use one simple, real example in each body part. For example, a rich boss may get respect at first, but a dishonest boss may lose workers and friends.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Each body part should have one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a clear first sentence. Then give an explanation and an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are hard to follow, such as the sentence that ends with 'domestic workers to'. Check that every sentence has a full idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when the link is clear. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' can help, but the next sentence must support the same point.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and you try to discuss both social status and moral values.
task response
You include ideas about trust, friendship, and long-term relationships. These are useful points for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as 'however', 'furthermore', and 'therefore' to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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