IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
The graph below shows a
water
Use synonyms
 filter assembly that filters dirty and unclean
water
Use synonyms
 into clear, clean
water
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, 3 materials must be filtered in order for the
water
Use synonyms
 to be clean. Materials are illustrated as sand, charcoal and gravel.
First,
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 is poured inside the
water
Use synonyms
 filter assembly , and the
water
Use synonyms
 cleaning process is sectioned into 3 steps.
The first step is
Linking Words
 getting the sand out of the
water
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, charcoal is pulled
of
Change preposition
out of
show examples
 the
water
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, gravel is sectioned out. After these 3 steps,
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 is sanitised and is ready to be drunk. A plastic barrel connects the
water
Use synonyms
 cleaning assembly to the storage drum.After
water
Use synonyms
 reaches the storage drum, it is ready to be served.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • filtration system
  • gravel layer
  • sand layer
  • charcoal layer
  • impurities
  • boiling process
  • bacteria
  • microorganisms
  • condensation stage
  • purified
  • contaminated water
  • potable water
  • transformation
  • capture
  • remove large impurities
  • remove small impurities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: