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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
holiday
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 is very important for
students
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that there is a value
of
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in
show examples
 long
school
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 holidays, there is
also
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 an argument that
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
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 a
student
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 only needs short
school
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 holidays. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic from different points of view.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, several
countires
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countries
 close primary and secondary schools for more than two months. So,
students
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 have
much
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a lot of
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 time to spend it in many things. Most
of
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apply
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students
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 enjoy vacation with their families, as they can travel, and do many activities together, which impacts positively on
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student's
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students'
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 situation. Through long
school
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 holidays, a
student
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 can get various benefits
,
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;
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 he will have enough time to join
sport
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sports
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 classes
such
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 as swimming, football, and tennis.
In addition
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, he can spend it on learning a new language or a new hobby.
As a result
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, he will feel happy and productive. Even
that
Correct word choice
though
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,
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apply
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 he will be very excited to get back to
school
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, and have much energy to learn.
Body paragraph 2
But some people think that
short
Correct article usage
a short
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school
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holiday
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 is more beneficial to the
students
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more
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apply
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than
long
Correct article usage
a long
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holiday
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. They consider it
as
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apply
show examples
a waste of time, and
sudents
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students
 get used to laziness. When a
student
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 spends
long
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a long
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holiday
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,
he
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they
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 will forget how to study
and
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, and
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 some of them waste their
times
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time
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 on video games or watching social media.
This
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 will impact negatively on the
student
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's performance at
school
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, countries should consider a long
school
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holiday
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 an
imprtant
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important
 right for
students
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, as it has many benefits for them, and a main way to recharge their energy.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain the value of long breaks, then explain why some people want shorter breaks. Your first body part has more ideas than the second one.
Task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, long breaks can help children rest after hard work, spend time with family, and try new skills. Shorter breaks can help them keep a study habit and remember school work.
Task response
Use one or two clear real-life examples. For example, a child may take swimming lessons in summer, while another child may forget maths after many weeks away from class.
Task response
Your own view is clear in the last part, but it would be stronger if you said why the good points of long breaks are more important than the problems.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one direct main idea. Then give two reasons or examples that support only that idea. This will make the writing easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: "First," "Also," "For example," "However," and "As a result." Do not use too many links in one sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating "student," "holiday," and "long holiday" many times. You can use "children," "pupils," "breaks," or "this time away from school."
Coherence and cohesion
Make sentences complete and clear. For example, write "Students have much time to do many things" instead of "students have much time to spend it in many things."
Task response
You discuss both long and short school breaks, and you give a clear final view.
Task response
Your ideas about family time, sport, new hobbies, and rest are relevant to the question.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as four parts: an opening, two main parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as "To begin with," "In addition," "As a result," and "In conclusion" help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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