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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In recent times, the topic of many young individuals should adopt the culture of community, but others have a different opinion and suggest that children should be free to behave as they are is gathered significant attention and sparked widespread
.
Check wording
debate.
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Therefore
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, it is crucial to take a deep dive into its complexities and explore its potential outcomes. I shall discuss both arguments in the following paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To embark upon, having a good amount of knowledge regarding traditions helps in building a society with the same Norms and beliefs.
In addition
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,they felt
more
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a greater
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 sense of humanity and shared equal cultural opinions.
For instance
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 , an article published in 2010, in " THE HINDUSTAN TIMES", shows percentage of
people
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 who have the same cultural beliefs tends to be happier in a society than in a different one , and
that is
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 75% in total.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some believe
having
Correct word choice
that having
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 diversity of traditions will help
people
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 gain information regarding other cultures,
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also
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and
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 it will create a better bond between
two
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from different
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 societies.
In addition
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, communities will have access to multiple cultures. To epitomise, diversity of dances will be preferred more by the
people
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 rather than having the same form for a lifetime.
Moreover
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, it will create human to be themselves without having compulsion regarding
acceptance
Correct article usage
the acceptance
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 of specific cultures.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
while
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 having a common belief is a good thing. But, if a person does not want to adopt
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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then
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 it is
also
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 crucial to respect there opioins without pressuring them.
Although
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 both will
equal
Verb problem
be equal
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 in their own perspectives.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, your own view should be clearer from the start. State if young people should follow some traditions, but still have the right to make their own choices.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say which traditions can help a group, such as family events or local holidays, and say why personal freedom can help young people grow.
task response
Your example about a news article is not clear and may not be true. Use a simple real-life example instead, such as young people joining a family festival while choosing their own clothes, work, or hobbies.
task response
Make sure every point answers the question. The point about different dances is related, but it needs a clearer link to young people being free to behave in their own way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the opening shorter and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. This will make your points easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “In my view”. Do not use very long opening phrases when a short one is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand because too many ideas are put together. Write shorter sentences. Check words such as “their” in “respect their opinions” and “are” in “both are equal”.
task response
You cover both views: the value of shared traditions and the value of personal freedom.
task response
Your ending gives a fair view: people should not be pushed to accept a culture they do not want.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs for the two sides, which helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “On the other hand” and “Moreover”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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