IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make c

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make c
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and women of 6
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 doing sport in 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for
Use synonyms
men
Add a comma
men,
show examples
 there is a negative correlation between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 and the percentage of people doing sports in the first three
groups
Use synonyms
. Started with the
fisrt
Correct your spelling
first
group
Use synonyms
 at its highest
point
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 at 58,2%
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
increases
Use synonyms
, the figure falls until 39,5%, the lowest
point
Use synonyms
 for both
groups
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, after the third
group
Use synonyms
, the percentage
increases
Use synonyms
 for the remaining 3
groups
Use synonyms
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 46,7%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the women’s
age
Use synonyms
 is positively correlated with physical activity in the first four
groups
Use synonyms
. In the first cohort started at 47.7%
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 by the fourth
group
Use synonyms
increases
Use synonyms
 a 5.6% reaching the highest
point
Use synonyms
 for both
groups
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure slightly decreases in the eldest
group
Use synonyms
dropping
Punctuation problem
, dropping
show examples
 by 5.9%.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Men
Use synonyms
 decrease their physical activity with
age
Use synonyms
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 the lowest
point
Use synonyms
, but
increases
Use synonyms
 at the
eldest
Replace the word
elderly
group
Use synonyms
. Women
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
, experience a positive correlation between
age
Use synonyms
 and doing sports
achieving
Punctuation problem
, achieving
show examples
 the highest
point
Use synonyms
 for both
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.
Linking Words
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 in the fifth
group
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 figure
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
, finishing close to the
men
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, with a gap of 0,4%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, age, groups, group, point, increases with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: