IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the population of a particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The graph below shows the population of a particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
The line chart shows the
population
Use synonyms
 of a particular country by age group starting from 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
illustrates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
population
Use synonyms
 by age group are decrease
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 0-14
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 15-64
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 65+
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
had raising
Wrong verb form
has been increasing
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 in 1990, 65+
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
overtaken by
Wrong verb form
overtook
show examples
 0-14, and starting to increase, in 2040,
while
Linking Words
 15-64
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
falling
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 65+ got to the trend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, from 1960
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2040,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
,
Check wording
age group
show examples
 showed a
remained steadily decreased
Replace the word
steady decrease
 from 30% to 10%
population
Use synonyms
 throughout the period,
fowllowed
Correct your spelling
followed
 by
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-64
,
Check wording
age group, also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the same
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 in 1960
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 1970,
had
Verb problem
there was
show examples
 a slight increase, and from 1970
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to 2040, had consistente decrease from 60%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to roughly 55%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: