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Band 4.5

The table below shows the percentage use of four different fuel types to generate electricity in five Asian countries in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table below shows the percentage use of four different fuel types to generate electricity in five Asian countries in 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
THE DATA ILLUSTRATES THE TYPES OF FUEL USAGE BY FIVE ASIAN NATIONS TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY IN 2005.
OVERALL
Linking Words
, IT CAN BE SAID THAT, THE MALAYSIA HAS A GREATER PERCENTAGE OF COAL AND LIGNITE,
WHEREAS
Linking Words
 THAILAND SHOWS ZERO PERCENT NUCLEAR CONSUMPTION. AFTER ANALYISING THE GRAPH, IT IS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT
THE MALYASIA
Correct determiner usage
MALAYSIA
show examples
 HAS THE HIGHEST CONSUMPTION OF COAL AND LIGNITIE WOTH 61% AND THE LEAST BY
PETROLEUM
Use synonyms
 PRODUCTS,
THAT IS
Linking Words
 2% ,
REST
Correct article usage
THE REST
show examples
SHARED
Verb problem
IS SHARED
show examples
 19% BY NUCLEAR, 5%
HYDRO
Use synonyms
 AND WIND AND 13% BY OTHER.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
, THE SIGNAPORE HAS MORE PERCENTAGE IN COAL AND LIGINITE WITH 42% AND LOWEST IN
PETROLEUM
Use synonyms
 AND HYDROM WITH 3% EACH.
MOREOVER
Linking Words
 , IN THAILAND OTHER FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO ELECTRICITY WITH 42%, BUT 0% GENERATE BY NUCLER. APART FROM THAT , COAL AND LIGNITE,
PETROLEUM
Use synonyms
 AND
HYDRO
Use synonyms
 AND WIND SHARES 3%, 36% AND 19%, RESPECTIVELY.
FURTHERMORE
Linking Words
, IN SOUTH KOREA HIGHEST IS OCCUPIED BY
HYDRO
Use synonyms
 AND WIND WITH 48%
AND
Punctuation problem
, AND
show examples
 THE LOWEST IS BY PEROTELUM PRODUCTS WITH 5%.
ALSO
Linking Words
, IN JAPAN , NUCLEAR HOLDS THE TOP POSITION WITH 49% ADN LOWEST BY
PETROLEUM
Use synonyms
 AND
HYDRO
Use synonyms
 WITH 3% , AND THE REST HAVE 6% IN COAL AND 39% IN OTHERS.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words petroleum, hydro with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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