IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many university graduates connot find a job in their chosen profession. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is no doubt that these days
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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lot of university alumni are facing difficulty in recruitment , especially in their chosen major. The question is, what reasons may have caused
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and what steps should be taken about it? In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss the factors and how to solve
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 1
In terms of finding
career
Add an article
a career
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, nowadays, some majors in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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universities
accepting a
Wrong verb form
accept
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 huge numbers of students every year
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 the chance rate to find a position in the same field. The main reason given to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that the number of alumni will be increasing annually , and demand will
cross
Verb problem
exceed
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 supply in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted by King Saud University in Riyadh in 2026 shows that the highest number of unemployed people was
the
Change preposition
in
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 dentistry
due to
Linking Words
 the efficiency of doctors in the same field.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, the solution of
this
Linking Words
 problem must be conducted in stages depend on similar cases in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other countries
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 could help the Ministry of Human Resources to take advantages from it. In fact, in Canada, they draw a clear pathway for any student who is enrolled in their major from the study until training in one of the biggest companies in the
city
Punctuation problem
city,
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 to get a high chance to find a job.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is evident that more and more students have graduated and cannot get a relevant job
due to
Linking Words
high
Add an article
the high
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numbers
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number
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 of applicants and less supply. The Ministry of Human Resources must
give
Verb problem
provide
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 a solution to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon ,
such
Linking Words
 as a contract of training and pathways with the universities.

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task response
You answer both parts: causes and what should be done. However, your ideas need more full support. Explain why too many students in one field leads to fewer jobs, and explain how training plans would help students get work.
task response
Use clearer cause ideas. For example, schools may take too many students, job growth may be slow, and some courses may not teach the skills that jobs need. Then give a direct fix for each cause.
task response
Your Canada example is useful, but make it more clear. Say who gives the training, what students learn, and why this can lead to a job. Be careful with facts about studies unless you can explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the path of your ideas: "One reason is...", "This means that...", "Another problem is...", and "To deal with this...". These will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words are not in a clear order. For example, write: "Some university courses accept too many students each year. As a result, there are more graduates than jobs in these fields."
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match the main ideas in the body. Sum up the causes first, then give the main actions: better job planning, work training, and closer work between schools and employers.
task response
You deal with both the reasons for the problem and possible actions. Your main idea about too many graduates in one field is relevant.
task response
You try to use real examples from Saudi Arabia and Canada. This helps show that you are thinking beyond general ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, so the reader can see your main topic and final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing to separate the cause and solution parts. This is a good base for a clear essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mismatch
  • Oversupply
  • Obsolete
  • Practical experience
  • Vocational training
  • Global economic fluctuations
  • Automation
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Curriculum
  • Real-world experience
  • Co-op programs
  • Re-skilling
  • Up-skilling
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Self-employment
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Labor market trends
  • Emerging industries
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