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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, there are a large number of coffee shops and fast-food vendors on high streets and in town centres. Why are there so many of these outlets? What effect is this having on the society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
These days
numerous
Punctuation problem
, numerous
show examples
 coffee and fast-food outlets have been seen on the local streets and city centres.
This
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 is because of rapidly growing home-grown brands,
as well as
Linking Words
population
Add an article
a population
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 surge. It may bring new culture, ways of earning and
socialization
Change the spelling
socialisation
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss various reasons for
such
Linking Words
 a trend and
what
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 impact
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons for
such
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 an increase in the street shops.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many individuals have developed
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own brand, though it might be a small business, which has made them independent.
For example
Linking Words
, people working from home by
free lancing
Correct your spelling
freelancing
 in
IT
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the IT
show examples
 sectors and coming up with an idea of investing in business.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would
succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in it without having any deadlines.
In addition
Linking Words
, there significal rise in population,
making
Verb problem
leading
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 citizens to thrive by selling goods on
street
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the street
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,
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of job opportunities.
Body paragraph 2
The impact
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it will cause on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is mainly positive. As
,
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apply
show examples
 a
variey
Correct your spelling
variety
 of shops brings diversity ;
moreover
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, people who are unaware of various cuisins, attire, different ways of living will undoubtedly want to know more and explore it
while
Linking Words
 being in their
home-town
Correct your spelling
hometown
. Another benefit of having local stalls on the
streers
Correct your spelling
streets
 is that it provides basic
earning
Replace the word
earnings
 for the family in need, eventually improving their way of
leaving
Verb problem
living
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.
Furthermore
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, it will help the
society
Use synonyms
 to become familiar
to
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with
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 each other, making new friends, helping and caring for one another, during
crisis
Add an article
a crisis
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
rapid
Add an article
the rapid
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 growth of
cafe's
Check wording
cafes
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 and local shops in town has a positive effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will help
samll
Correct your spelling
small
 businesses by earning livlihood, becoming self-sufficient and confident. Not only
it will
Correct word order
will it
show examples
 expose people
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different cultures
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
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 make the place better for
locals
Correct word choice
local
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 survival.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give clear reasons for the rise of these shops, such as busy lives, low start-up costs, high demand, and good profit. Then explain both good and bad effects on people.
task response
Your main ideas are often too wide or not fully linked to coffee and fast-food shops. For example, IT work from home does not clearly show why more food shops open. Use reasons that directly explain this change.
task response
Add a real and clear example. For instance, you could say that workers near an office area buy coffee and quick meals because they have little time at lunch.
task response
Do not say that the effect is mainly good without also looking at possible harm. Fast food may lead to poor health, more waste, traffic, and fewer small local food stores.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons, effects, and conclusion. In the effects part, group good effects together and bad effects together.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main point. Then explain it and give an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way. For example: "First", "Also", "As a result", "However", and "In conclusion". Do not join ideas with a comma after "As".
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about earning money in several parts. Give each paragraph a different job: causes in one, social effects in the next.
task response
You answer both the reasons and effects parts of the question, and you give a clear view that these shops can help people earn money and meet others.
task response
The essay includes points about local business, jobs, culture, and social life. These are useful ideas for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives it a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as "Firstly", "In addition", "For example", and "Furthermore".
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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