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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on social?

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Introduction
Human machines and AI are being developed to
sunstitute
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substitute
 workers in firms. There is one main reason for
this
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 that can save more
money
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 for
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companies
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company
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owners
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. Unfortunately, these machines and AI
applications
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 can remove
jobs
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utterely
Correct your spelling
utterly
.
As a result
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, many of those workers' families can be negatively affected economically.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, some workers can cost
companies
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 a lot of
money
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. Sometimes,
companies
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from time to time can increase wages
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can increase wages from time to time
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. But, recently, artificial
intelligent
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intelligence
 firms
release
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have released
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 apps for
public
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the public
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. With
this
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,
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companies'
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company
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owners
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 can adopt these
applications
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 in their
companies
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.
Additionally
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, these
applications
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 can do the same
work
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 that humans do, but for free.
For example
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,
instead
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 of hiring web
designiers
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designers
 that
costed
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cost
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money
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,
owners
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 would ask chatbots to design
websities
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websites
 for free.
In addition
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, these chatbots can have the details and information about what
owners
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 need
websities
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websites
 to be,
then
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 do them exactly. So, managers can have
outcomes
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the outcomes
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 they need
at the end
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, but for free without paying monthly salaries to
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
Even though many
jobs
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 are
deleted
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being deleted
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 by
this
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 development.
Nowdays
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Nowadays
,
people
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 may get the
work
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 they need without hiring others and for free with AI and robots. Some
people
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 can lose their
jobs
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as editors
that
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who
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 are purifying texts before the publishing phase. Those
people
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 are hired to fix mistakes,
But
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but
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,
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apply
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this
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now can
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can now
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 be done by
those
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apply
show examples
robots and AI.
Consequently
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,
companies
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 may
be
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apply
show examples
no longer need those
people
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.
For instance
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, writers can send the whole text to AI
applications
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 and have the edited text
at the end
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. So, editors would be convinced to shift to another field for
money
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,
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apply
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 if they spent months without
work
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. During
this
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 period, those
people
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's families may not have
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money
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the money
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 to pay their taxes and their
basis
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basic
 needs.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
this
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 development can delete some
jobs
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 when they are no longer relevant to
companies
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. So, those
people
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 who
work
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 these
jobs
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 would face
shortage
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a shortage
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 of
money
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.
Additionally
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,
this
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 would impact
on
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apply
show examples
them and their families to not have
money
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 to pay their taxes and their needs.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 could happen because
companies
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do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have their needs without paying
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money by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 AI.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. State clearly why firms use AI: it can cut costs, work all day, and do some tasks fast. Then give your clear view that the main effect on society is negative, while also noting one small good effect if you wish.
task response
Develop each main idea further. Explain how job loss can lead to less money for food, rent, and other basic needs. Also explain that new jobs may be made in AI, but many workers may not have the skills for them.
task response
Use examples that sound more real and careful. A chatbot may help make a website, but it may not fully replace all web designers. Say that AI can do simple parts of the work, while people may still need to check and improve the result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the link between ideas smoother by using simple words such as “because”, “therefore”, “however”, and “as a result” only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. The first body part should focus on lower costs for firms. The second should focus on job loss and its effect on workers and families. Avoid repeating the same point about work being free.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph give your final answer clearly. Do not add a new opposite point there. Say again that firms use AI to save money, and that job loss can harm society unless workers get help and new training.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “The main reason firms replace workers with AI is to lower costs.” Then: “This change can have a negative effect on society because some people may lose their income.”
task response
You answer both questions: you give a reason for the growth of AI at work and you explain why you think it can harm workers and their families.
task response
Your main example about editors shows how AI can change a real type of job.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You often show cause and effect, for example when you connect job loss with money problems for families.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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