IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, people want to buy goods and receive services immediately rather than waiting. What are the causes of this trend? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that receiving immediate
services
Use synonyms
instead
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 of waiting has become a significant issue in modern life.
This
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 essay will first discuss what are the reasons behind
this
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 development, and
then
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 it will explain why
this
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 is a negative development.
Body paragraph 1
In my opinion, being
patience
Replace the word
patient
 can be difficult because of technology, but
impatient
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impatience
 can cause many problems to human.
Body paragraph 2
First of all, I believe
this
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trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 has become a major issue for many nations, and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 mainly
beacuse of
Correct your spelling
because
technology has made many
services
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 within reach and based on
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 fast delivery system.
Body paragraph 3
In fact, in recent
years
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years,
show examples
 you can purchase any
kinds
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kind
show examples
 of goods
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such
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, such
show examples
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 clothes, grocery items, food, and even medications from
pharmacy
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a pharmacy
show examples
 within minutes or even hours.
Body paragraph 4
As
consequence
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a consequence
show examples
,
vast
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the vast
show examples
 majority of
people
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 want to receive things very quickly without considering
any
Correct word choice
that any
show examples
 situations can delay the items,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of that
fast-pased
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
 system
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people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 can accept delaying
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
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 items.
Body paragraph 5
Regarding the second view, as the world
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to be very fast in every
aspects
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aspect
show examples
;
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consequently
Punctuation problem
consequently,
show examples
 humans can't be
pateint any more
Correct your spelling
patient anymore
and
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, and
show examples
 that may lead to aggressive behaviours between customers and
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 operate
such
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services
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 6
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 lack of essential human quality like waiting and to be patient, that may lead to serious behavioural problems and stressful situations.
Body paragraph 7
For example
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,
people
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 in long queues in Ramadan waiting for food to be served under sunny and hot weather, may contribute to serious fights between
people
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;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
due to
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people
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 tend to be impateint in different occasions.
Body paragraph 8
Therefore
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, in modern life vast majority of individuals tend to accept things only when there is no waiting time, but if the opposite happen bad and not acceptable behaviors may
apper
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appear
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, technology has made life very fast and
quickly
Replace the word
quick
 to receive a range of
services
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 within minutes,
while
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this
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to overdependence and
agressive
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aggressive
 behaviours
amony
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among
people
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. Ultimately,
this
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 clear that finding a way to balance between being
patience
Replace the word
patient
 and the speed of receiving the
services
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 is vital.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why fast service is common, then give a clear view on why it is bad. Your main view is clear, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Develop each reason with a clear chain: technology makes buying easy; people get used to speed; then they feel upset when they must wait. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Use a more direct example. For example, food apps can bring meals very fast, so some users become angry when a driver is late because of rain or traffic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some sentences start with words such as “As consequence” or “Furthermore” but the link is not fully clear. Try: “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “For example.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “people,” “fast,” and “waiting” too often. You can use “customers,” “users,” “speed,” and “delay” to make the writing flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make long ideas easier to follow by using shorter sentences. For example: “Fast delivery has changed what customers expect. They may become angry when an order is late.”
task response
You give a clear opinion that this trend is negative, and you give reasons linked to stress and angry behavior.
task response
You include a relevant example about people waiting in long food lines during Ramadan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “First of all,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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