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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views ang give your opinion

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
With the rapid progress of
digitaliztion
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digitalisation
 and
moderniztion
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modernisation
, secondary
school
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students
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 have an enormous amount to learn.
According to
Linking Words
 some people's perspectives, they think that international
news
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 should be added
into
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to
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 secondary
school
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students
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' curriculum.
Conversely
Linking Words
, other people argue that learning international
news
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 could waste
students
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' valuable time.
While
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 there are
arguements
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arguments
 on both sides, I believe that the study of international
news
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 is essential for secondary
school
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students
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.
Body paragraph 1
It has long been acknowledged that international
news
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 should be embedded into secondary
school
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students
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students'
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 lives. Contextually, international
news
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emcompasses
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encompasses
 the sequences of events, the key effects
toward
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on
show examples
 the whole society, and some
relative
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relevant
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 people. It serves as an irreplaceable underpinning for contemporary secondary
school
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 education, guiding
students
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get
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to get
show examples
 to know common knowledge surrounding their real life. Apart from that, secondary
school
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students
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' moral values could be refreshed
as well as
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 their critical thinking skills could be
strenghthened
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strengthened
 through learning international
news
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, which
are
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apply
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definitely
benefit
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benefits
show examples
students
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 study in classrooms.
Body paragraph 2
Although
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 learning international
news
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truly
Verb problem
is truly
show examples
 crucial for secondary
school
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students
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, consequences
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also may
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may also
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 be triggered during
students
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' learning. Lacking
of
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a
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 sufficient background of the developments of societies,
students
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 might be unaware of the significance of learning
news
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. At that time,
news
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 could be regarded as boring
materials
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material
show examples
 for
students
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. Without the interests from learning,
students
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' learning will fall into a passive state and gradually go into a downward trend.
Conclusion
In conclusion, learning international
news
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 could be a double-edged sword. It is
obviously
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obvious
 that learning international
news
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 could enhance
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students
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students'
show examples
 living experiences
,
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;
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on the other hand
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, it could
also
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 break the core
interests of learning
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learning interests
show examples
 and waste
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students'
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apply
show examples
valuable studying time. On balance, the advantages of mastering international
news
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 are outweight of disadvantages. Namely,
the
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apply
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multiple
literacy
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literacies
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 are built during the period of learning international
news
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, critical thinking and
the
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apply
show examples
basic cognition, which are gradually
effecting
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affecting
show examples
 secondary
school
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students
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' whole
life
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lives
show examples
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. However, the first main part does not fully explain why international news should be a school subject. Add clear reasons, such as helping students understand world events, different people, and how world events can affect their own country.
task response
Develop the other view more fairly. Explain why some people may see this subject as a waste of time: students already have many core subjects, news changes very fast, and some news may be too hard or upsetting for young students.
task response
Use real and simple examples. For example, a class could study an earthquake, an election, or a health problem in another country, then discuss how it affects people. Examples make your ideas stronger and easier to understand.
task response
Make your final view more direct. Say that international news should be taught in a limited and well-planned way, rather than as a large subject with many tests. This answers the question in a more complete way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the topic sentence of each main part clearer so the reader knows which view you are discussing.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link closely to the question. For example, "moral values could be refreshed" is too general. Explain exactly how news study builds moral values, or replace this idea with a closer point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a careful way: "On the one hand", "For example", "However", and "Therefore". Do not use a contrast link when the next idea is not a contrast.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning clearer and help the reader follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check key word forms and grammar because they can hide your meaning. For example, write "students' lives", "students' studies", "are beneficial", "it is obvious", and "the advantages outweigh the disadvantages".
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state your own opinion from the start.
task response
Your main view is clear: you believe that learning international news is important for secondary school students.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, separate main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as "Conversely", "Although", and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global awareness
  • current affairs
  • international events
  • a crowded curriculum
  • core academic subjects
  • critical thinking skills
  • reliable news sources
  • biased reporting
  • media literacy
  • a balanced perspective
  • responsible citizens
  • global issues
  • political conflict
  • environmental crisis
  • keep up with world events
  • form informed opinions
  • evaluate information
  • classroom discussion
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