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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think cities should create more parks and green spaces instead to build more houses. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
show examples
 debate about whether
cities
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 should prioritise the development of
parks
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 and green
spaces
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 over the construction of additional housing. I strongly agree with
this
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 view because expanding urban greenery can significantly improve residents' quality of life
while
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also
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 contributing to a cleaner and healthier environment.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason for my view is that
parks
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 provide people with valuable opportunities to relax and socialise. Unlike crowded urban
areas
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, green
spaces
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 tend to be quieter and more peaceful, giving residents a chance to escape from the stresses of daily life.
Additionally
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, people can use these
areas
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 for a variety of activities,
such
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 as walking, exercising, reading, or spending time with friends and family.
Such
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 activities can strengthen social bonds and contribute to better mental well-being.
Although
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 additional housing is necessary in growing
cities
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, constructing homes at the expense of recreational
areas
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 could make urban environments increasingly crowded and stressful.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that green
spaces
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 can contribute to a cleaner and healthier environment. Trees and other vegetation absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen, thereby helping to improve air quality.
This
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 is particularly beneficial to human health because prolonged exposure to air pollution can contribute to a range of respiratory and other health problems.
Moreover
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,
parks
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 and tree-lined
areas
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 can provide shade and help reduce excessive heat in densely populated
cities
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.
Therefore
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, increasing the amount of urban greenery can benefit both public health and the environment.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that
cities
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 should expand
parks
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 and green
spaces
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 rather than simply constructing more houses. Green
areas
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 provide important opportunities for recreation and social interaction
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 improving environmental quality, making them an essential feature of liveable
cities
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.

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Task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it even stronger, add one real city example or a short fact. For example, say how a park can help people in a busy city.
Task response
You mention the need for more homes, but this point is quite short. Explain more clearly why green space should still come first when land is limited.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Each main part has one key idea, so it is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “Additionally”, “Moreover”, and “Therefore”, are used well. You could make the link between the two main parts smoother by adding one short line that connects health, daily life, and the city environment.
Coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are well explained. In the first main part, add one more detail to show exactly how parks can help people feel less stressed or become closer to others.
Task response
You answer the full question and give a strong, clear view. Your two main reasons are on topic: better daily life and a cleaner, healthier city.
Task response
The ideas are clear and well developed. The points about air quality, heat, exercise, rest, and time with family all support your view well.
Coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear. The opening gives your view, each body part explains one reason, and the ending brings the main ideas together.
Coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well, and the ending matches the view in the opening. This gives the essay a clear and complete shape.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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