IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think cities should create more parks and green spaces instead to build more houses. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The debate over urban land use often
centers
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centres
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 on whether cities should
prioritize
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prioritise
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 creating parks and green
spaces
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 over building more residential housing.
While
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 the demand for housing is undeniable, I firmly agree that expanding green
spaces
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 is essential, as it significantly enhances residents' quality of life and supports environmental sustainability.
Body paragraph 1
​First and foremost, parks offer vital
spaces
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 for relaxation and social interaction that dense urban environments often lack. Busy modern cities can be overwhelming, but accessible green zones provide residents with a tranquil escape from daily stress. In these
spaces
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, individuals can exercise, read, or gather with friends and family.
Such
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 activities foster stronger community bonds and improve
overall
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 mental
health
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, offering a much-needed balance to fast-paced city life.
Body paragraph 2
​
In addition
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 to social benefits, urban green
spaces
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 play a crucial role in improving environmental and physical
health
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. Vegetation and trees act as natural air filters, absorbing carbon dioxide and releasing fresh oxygen.
In contrast
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 to polluted city air—which is linked to severe respiratory conditions
such
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 as asthma, bronchitis, and long-term illnesses like cancer—cleaner air directly improves public
health
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. Expanding green
zones
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zones,
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therefore
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therefore,
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 serves as a proactive measure against urban pollution and related illnesses.
Conclusion
​In conclusion, I strongly believe that municipal planning should
prioritize
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prioritise
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 the development of parks and recreational green zones over simple housing expansion. Investing in green infrastructure yields long-term rewards for both human well-being and environmental
health
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.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer the main question well. To make the answer stronger, explain why parks should come before houses even when many people need homes. You could say that cities can build taller homes or use empty land in other ways.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but they need more real support. Add one clear city example, such as a park that gives children a safe place to play or trees that make a hot street cooler.
task response
Be careful with the health claim about cancer. It is very broad and is not fully shown in the essay. It is safer to focus on breathing problems and poor air quality.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, especially “First and foremost”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”. You can make the flow even smoother by linking the end of one paragraph to the next, for example: “As well as helping people feel calm, parks also help make city air cleaner.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and carry many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences when possible. This will make your meaning more direct and easier to read.
task response
You give a clear, strong opinion and keep the same view throughout the essay.
task response
The points about rest, community life, mental health, air, and health are all closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states the topic and your view, while the final paragraph clearly restates your main point.
coherence and cohesion
The two body paragraphs are well separated: one focuses on people and social life, and the other focuses on the natural world and health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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