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Band 5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Introduction
In the era of technology and advancements, people have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy access to computers and other devices
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 almost every
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children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
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 nowadays plays
computer
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 or
video
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games
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.
Over consumption
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Overconsumption
 of
games
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 can have an impact on little
children
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, and
i
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I
show examples
 am here to discuss them.
Body paragraph 1
Computer
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 and
video
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games
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 have a large number of users, mainly little
kids
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 and young teenagers. Everyone has
an
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apply
show examples
easy access to
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computer
Check wording
computers
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 and mobile devices nowadays, even
kids
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 have their own
ipads
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iPads
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 and desktop computers. Young
youth
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people
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 spend so much
time
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 of their day
in
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apply
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playing
games
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 directly impacts them in many ways. Animated
video
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games
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 are very stimulating, and
children
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 may become
addictive
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addicted
 to them.
Consequently
Linking Words
, young youth may lose interest in their studies, have a decreased attention span and become easily irritated.
Moreover
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 ,
Spending
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spending
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 a major chunk of the day on
computer
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games
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 will have an
affect
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effect
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 on eyesight as well. I have seen myself that
children
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 who play
video
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games
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 alot, they don't listen to their
parents
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 and become extremely aggressive and irritated when asked to stop.
Body paragraph 2
Additonally
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Additionally
, When i was a
kid
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 used to play
need
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Need
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 for
speed
Capitalize the proper name
Speed
show examples
 car racing game,
subway surfers
Capitalize the proper name
Subway Surfers
show examples
 and
temple run
Capitalize the proper name
Temple Run
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, and
i
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I
show examples
 used to cry and beg my mother to let me play those
games
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 as
i
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I
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 was very addicted to them. Now that
i
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I
show examples
 am all grown up, and
i
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I
show examples
 have
a
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apply
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weak eyesight,
i
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I
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 do blame myself for playing those silly
computer
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games
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.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, there is a positive side
of
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to
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 playing
computer
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games
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 as well. These
games
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 can make
children
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 sharp and very responsive.
Additionally
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,
computer
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games
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 are definitely a good source of entertainment in
free
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their free
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time
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 for
kids
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 to refresh their minds. It is a duty of
parents
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 to maintain a balance and give
children
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 access to screens for a limited
time
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 only.
Parents
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 can use
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computer
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computers
show examples
 and
video
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games
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 as a reward system.
For example
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, a
kid
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 will only get to play
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computer
Add an article
a computer
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 game for 30 minutes when he/she completes his/her homework or finishes the lunch.
This
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 way
kid
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 know the limits and
also
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completes
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complete
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 the given task.
Furthermore
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,
Parents
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 should
also
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 maintain a healthy balance between
video
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games
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 and outdoor physical
game
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games
show examples
. Playing real
games
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 outside of screens
are
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is
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 really
benefical
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beneficial
 for little
kids
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.
Conclusion
Lastly
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, to
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 the bad effects of
videos
Replace the word
video
games
Use synonyms
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parents
Punctuation problem
, parents
show examples
 should
an
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apply
show examples
keep an eye on what type of
video
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games
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 their
kid
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 is playing. Nowadays , some animated
games
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 do have adult content
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 should be avoided in any case.
Kids
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 should only be allowed to play
games
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 for a limited
time
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, and on devices on which
parents
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could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 easily keep a check and balance.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: good and bad sides, and ways to cut the bad effects. Make the good side fuller. For example, say how some games can help children solve problems, plan, or work with others.
task response
Your own story is clear and useful, but some claims are too broad. Instead of saying games cause weak eyes, say that too much screen time may cause eye strain and less time for sleep, study, and play outside.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each body part, then add a reason and an example. This will make your points feel more complete and fair.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: bad effects, good effects, then advice. However, the first two body parts both focus on bad effects. Put your personal story in the first bad-effects part, or use it as a short example there.
coherence and cohesion
Make the start more direct. State that the essay will look at both sides and ways parents can keep game time safe. The line 'I am here to discuss them' is too general.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as 'First', 'As a result', 'For example', 'However', and 'In conclusion'. Do not start a new paragraph with 'Additionally' if it is only another example of the same point.
coherence and cohesion
End with a short conclusion that brings the main answer together: games can be useful in small amounts, but parents should set time limits, check game content, and support outdoor play.
task response
You cover the key parts of the question and give practical steps, such as time limits, rewards after homework, and checking game content.
task response
Your example about games you played as a child makes the essay personal and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'On the other hand' clearly shows the move from bad effects to good effects.
coherence and cohesion
The final part gives several clear actions for parents, and these actions connect well to the bad effects you describe.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
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