IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given table illustrates the fluctuation among individuals who are playing diverse sports in Australia in the years from 2001 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, running, aerobatics and tennis skyrocketed
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 there is
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 decline among
people
Use synonyms
to
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 enjoy cycling and swimming. In
details
Check wording
detail
show examples
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who are engaged in running was 1.4
million
Use synonyms
 in
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 as the figure
sugre
Correct your spelling
surged
 up considerably to 1.7
million
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
However
Linking Words
, 2.2
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
show examples
 to
do running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 to keep themselves fit. The ratio was highest
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to previous years. Aerobatics percentage accounted
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 1.5 in 2001 and increased to 1.6 in 2009. As for more, 4.5
million
Use synonyms
go to
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 cycling in
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
show examples
 as the
number
Use synonyms
 fell dramatically to about 3.1
in
Check wording
million in
show examples
 2005.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Add an article
the number
show examples
soar up
Wrong verb form
soared
show examples
 slightly in 2009.
Swimming
Add an article
The swimming
show examples
 figure was 3.7 in 2001, but
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up slightly in 2005. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
do swimming decrease
Wrong verb form
swim decreased
show examples
 notably in 2009. Across all three years, the percentage of tennis
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 gradually.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, number, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • increase
  • rise
  • grow
  • increase a lot
  • grow by
  • fall
  • decrease
  • decline
  • stay the same
  • level off
  • change
  • over the period
  • from 2001 to 2009
  • in Australia
  • million people
  • the number of people
  • the activity with the biggest rise
  • the activity with the smallest change
  • compare
  • in comparison
  • while
  • whereas
  • overall
  • trend
  • pattern
What to do next:
Look at other essays: