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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that individuals are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
The issue of
people
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 who think that individuals are born to be
leaders
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 has
considerable
Verb problem
been the subject of considerable
show examples
 debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that
leadership
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 can be
Use synonyms
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
,
while
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 others argue that individuals are born to be
leaders
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership
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 can be
Use synonyms
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are born to be
leaders
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 argue that there are many
people
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 who can depend on themselves .
For instance
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,if a woman has a child,the woman can trust
on
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apply
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her child to do his daily
actvitiy
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activity
,
such
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 as studying,eating,and cleaning.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 who are born to be
leaders
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 are more likely to have a high job in the future,the main reason is that many jobs want to employ
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 who can control their work to be successful.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that
leadership
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 can be
learnt
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 emphasise that many families can improve
the
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their
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 responsibility by giving them some tasks to do
it
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apply
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,
this
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is
Verb problem
apply
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not only
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 their children
to be
Verb problem
become
show examples
leaders
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 ,but it
also
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 can help many parents if they get
an old age
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older
.
For example
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,if a father asks his son to help
hem
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him
 at work,the boy will be good at work and will
be
Verb problem
apply
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gain knowledge.
However
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,it is a useful notion to
learn
Verb problem
teach
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 the young generation the leadreship,which
assist
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assists
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 the government on their tasks.
For instance
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,if a city
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that
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apply
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is experiencing a war,the young generation can protect their city.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership
Use synonyms
 can be
Use synonyms
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that the families can
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 their children to depend on themselves,
in which to
Correct word choice
so that they can
show examples
 help their parents in the future.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the task. However, your ideas need to be more clear and full.
task response
For the view that leaders are born, use points about natural self-belief, calm thinking, and the power to guide others. The example about a child doing daily tasks does not clearly show that a person is born a leader.
task response
For the view that leadership can be learnt, explain how school, work, sport, and family tasks can teach people to plan, make choices, and lead a group.
task response
Make your own view stronger. Say that some people may have natural skills, but most leadership skills can grow through learning and real work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This is a good basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, do not move from being born a leader to getting a high job without a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “This is because”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not join many full ideas with only a comma.
coherence and cohesion
Make your examples more direct. Explain how each example proves the point before you move to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, sum up both views and restate your view in a clear way. Avoid adding a new point there.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the first part and repeat it in the end.
task response
You try to use examples from family life, work, and war to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful paragraph links such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up”.
coherence and cohesion
The reader can see the order of your essay: first view, second view, then your final view.
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