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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think they have right to use as much freshwater as they want. Others believe governments should tightly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. Discuss both views and give your option

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Introduction
Freshwater is a fundamental necessity for humans’ daily activities. Some people believe that
everyone
Use synonyms
 should be able to consume
water
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 as much as they want,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that the
government
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 should regulate its
consumption
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 as it is a limited resource. I firmly believe that freshwater
consumption
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 should not be tightly controlled by the authorities for some reasons.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, controlling freshwater usage, as it is a limited resource, is necessary to avoid
exploitation
Add an article
the exploitation
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 of natural
water
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 resources by some companies. Many industries consume a massive amount of
water
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 for their operational and production activities, which can affect freshwater availability for domestic daily
consumption
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.
For example
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, proper regulation from the
government
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 to restrict or limit
water
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 usage for some entities should be enough to prevent
water
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 scarcity in those areas.
As a result
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,
everyone
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 could
be able to utilize
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utilise
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 fresh
water
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 equally without being afraid of companies that exploit
water
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 resources in those areas.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, over regulated from the authorities might
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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 individuals to be unable to access freshwater. It should be
utilized
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utilised
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 freely by
everyone
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 around the world to support their daily activities. Most living things, particularly humans, are not supposed to be restricted from consuming fresh
water
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 by the authorities through regulations. Unlike many companies
which is consuming
Correct subject-verb agreement
that consume
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 a lot of freshwater,
by contrast
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, the domestic
consumption
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not significantly
created
Wrong verb form
create
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 a scarcity and
not
Verb problem
does not
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endangering
Wrong verb form
endanger
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water
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 availability. Implementing a regulation to limit its usage could create new problems
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as a monopoly for the irresponsible
government
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 and violating human rights.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
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, I firmly believe that proper regulations need to be taken by the
government
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 to preserve
water
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 availability and make sure
everyone
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 has access to consuming freshwater without violating human rights.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. The first side says people should use as much water as they want, but your first body paragraph mainly explains why the government should control companies. Explain why some people support free use, such as water being needed for life and work.
task response
Make your own view fully clear from the start and keep it the same. You say water should not be tightly controlled, but your last paragraph says the government needs rules. State that you support fair, limited rules for big users, while basic home use should stay free.
task response
Add one clear, real example. For example, say that a factory may use a large amount of water in a dry area, so rules can protect water for homes, farms, and schools.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, two main paragraphs, and end. Keep this form, but make each paragraph match one view more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “On the one hand, some people support free use because...” and “On the other hand, others want rules because...”. This will help the reader follow both views.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the main idea is not clear. Write shorter sentences and use one main point in each sentence. For example, replace “over regulated from the authorities might causes...” with “Too much control may stop some people from getting enough water.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “freshwater” and “authorities” too often. You can also use “water”, “the state”, or “the government” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You discuss both the need for rules and the need for people to have water for daily life.
task response
Your view is present in the opening and the ending, and you focus on fair access to water.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks and helpful signposts such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending brings the main ideas together: protecting water while allowing people to use it.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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