IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter to the company. In your letter: introduce yourself explain what sort of job you would like to do and say what experience and skills you have

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
you
Change preposition
to you
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to postulate for a job opportunity in your company.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I want to introduce myself, my full names are Frank Johnson
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I graduated from the
university
Capitalize the proper name
University
show examples
 of Buea 2 years ago. In my
afraid era of
Correct word order
era as a
show examples
 student behind
me
Punctuation problem
me,
show examples
 I studied Mechanical engineering. After school, I worked for one and a half
year
Check wording
years
show examples
 for an industrial company called Brasseries du Cameroon.
However
Linking Words
, from my experience in mechanical engineer, I'd like to get into production , which
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of supervising the product made from the factory by
asuring
Correct your spelling
ensuring
 the products succeed from the start to the end of
manafacturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from the one and a half
year
Check wording
years
show examples
 of experience I have as a technical director who supervised production in my former company, I have some competence
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
task
Change preposition
such as task
show examples
 management to manage a team, communication skills with employees, troubleshooting difficult challenges when it happens, and Excel to gather firm outcomes of production. I'm looking to hear from you! Yours faithfully, Axel.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You tell who you are, the job you want, and your work skills. Add the exact job name and say why you want to work for this company.
task response
Make your work history clear. Say what you did at your last job and how it can help in the new job.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Put one main point in each paragraph and use clear links such as “First”, “Also”, and “Finally”.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences, and check words such as “production”, “factory”, and “experience”.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more formal final line, such as “I look forward to hearing from you.” Then write your full name.
task response
You include your name, your study, your past job, and useful skills such as team work, communication, and problem solving.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing fit a formal letter, and paragraphs help the reader see your main ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: