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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think sports are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Over the years,
sports
Use synonyms
 have
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 an important
role
Use synonyms
 in the wider society. Most people consider that these activities are
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for everyone,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 should be restricted to recreational activities. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 both
point
Check wording
points
show examples
 of view are discussed.
However
Linking Words
, it is considered that the benefits of
sports
Use synonyms
 are higher
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 just leisure time.
Body paragraph 1
There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a wider range of different
sports
Use synonyms
, which have been
depeloped
Correct your spelling
developed
 from ancient civilization and it
still
Verb problem
is still
show examples
vigent
Correct your spelling
vibrant
. One example of
this
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 is running, which started in the Olympic
games
Capitalize the proper name
Games
show examples
, and its modern version could be consider marathon.
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
show examples
 relevant
role
Use synonyms
 is the pathway for the
atleths
Correct your spelling
athletes
, which training harder to
achiveve
Correct your spelling
achieve
 higher results, as the
sports
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 their profession.
Finally
Linking Words
, it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been proven that
practice
Wrong verb form
practising
show examples
 any kind of sport can improve the
life quality
Correct word order
quality of life
show examples
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some civilians believe that
sports
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 just for fun,
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 with unpopular
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cricket or pole. For that reason, people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 play
this
Linking Words
 are not considered
profesionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
.
Adittionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
due to
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 the fact that
sports
Use synonyms
 are related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 physical exercise, mental
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
chest
Use the right word
chess
show examples
 are consider hobies, and their lack
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 credibility.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is recognised that
sports
Use synonyms
 play an important
role
Use synonyms
 in the wider society.
Although
Linking Words
 some believe
that
Linking Words
is
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 is limited to leisure activities, the reality is that
they are
Fix the agreement mistake
it is
show examples
 a
style-life
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 for more of the
atleths
Correct your spelling
athletes
,
as well as
Linking Words
 the improvement of health.

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task response
Discuss both views in a more even way. The first body part gives several points, but the second part is short and does not clearly explain why some people see sport only as fun.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and support it with clear reasons. For example, sport can help health, bring people together, and give work to players and coaches.
task response
Use examples that fit the point. Running and the marathon do not clearly show why sport is important for all of society. Give an example of people meeting through a local team or children learning to work with others.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: introduction, one part for each view, then your own view, and a conclusion. Each body part should begin with one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas clearer. Use simple link words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “Therefore” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the sentences are not complete or clear. Write shorter sentences and check that each sentence has a clear subject and verb.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear claims, such as saying cricket is unpopular or that chess has little value. Explain who holds this view and why.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view that sport is more than free-time fun.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion, so the overall order is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the other hand” and “In conclusion”, to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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