IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary when choosing a career. Others believe that earning a good income should be the primary consideration.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
 world, people are divided into two halves,
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
 the first half
beleive
Correct your spelling
believes
 that
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction
in
Verb problem
is
show examples
 more crucial than a high salary when choosing a career,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that earning a good income should be the main
considiration
Correct your spelling
consideration
. I fairly
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that both
perspective
Check wording
perspectives
show examples
 are important, you should feel
happn
Correct your spelling
happy
 when you are doing your
should
Use the right word
best
show examples
,
Notably
Punctuation problem
Notably,
show examples
 a good amount of earning money is
also
Linking Words
 required.
Body paragraph 1
The first point of view
despict
Correct your spelling
depicts
 how important
is it
Correct word order
it is
show examples
 for each individual to feel happy when
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 doing
thier
Correct your spelling
their
job
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person is
passionative
Replace the word
passionate
 about their
job
Use synonyms
, they wake up
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the morning feeling refreshed and ready to go. Even though they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 get paid enough, some people think that
this
Linking Words
 feeling is worth more than what money you get paid.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that what you get paid is more important.
For example
Linking Words
, even if you don't enjoy doing your
job
Use synonyms
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the month
your
Punctuation problem
, your
show examples
 high salary can let you enjoy many exclusive and expensive things. In
vacations
Add a comma
vacations,
show examples
 you can experience a luxurious life.
In contrast
Linking Words
, your daily life schedule can include expensive things that other low salaries cant access.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is true that
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 salary is important, but the feeling of
satasfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 in your
carees
Correct your spelling
career
 is
also
Linking Words
 crucial.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, people should
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 a career that they feel
passione
Correct your spelling
passionate
 about,
while
Linking Words
 considering a good income that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them
relaxed
Replace the word
relax
 and not
worried
Wrong verb form
worry
show examples
 about
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 living
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
 or utility bills.

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Task response
Give a clearer main view in the first part. You say both are important, but also say people should choose work they love. State which one matters more and keep this view all through the essay.
Task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why happy workers may do better work, and why money is needed for rent, food, and bills. This will make your ideas stronger.
Task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are very general. Use one clear example for each side, such as a teacher who loves the job but needs enough pay for daily life.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: first view, other view, then your end view. Keep this simple plan in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first paragraph easier to read. Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Use short, clear sentences to show the topic and your view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. 'For example', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' are helpful. Do not use 'In contrast' when you are adding more points about the same idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Check word use and spelling, as many errors make the meaning less clear. For example: 'today’s', 'whereas', 'believe', 'consideration', 'satisfaction', 'career', 'choose', and 'expenses'.
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view at the end.
Task response
You use examples about enjoying work, high pay, and daily living costs. These are closely linked to the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your writing.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to both job happiness and income, which gives the essay a complete shape.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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