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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary when choosing a career. Others believe that earning a good income should be the primary consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today's world, people are divided into two halves,
whereas
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 the first half believes that
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is more crucial than a high salary when choosing a career,
while
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 others argue that earning a good income should be the main consideration. I fairly believe that both perspectives are important
, you
Punctuation problem
. You
show examples
 should feel happy when you are doing your
job
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Notably, a good amount of earning money is
also
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 required.
Body paragraph 1
The first point of view depicts how important it is for each individual to feel happy when enjoying doing their
job
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, if a person is passionate about their
job
Use synonyms
, they wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and ready to go. Even though they don't get paid enough, some people think that
this
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 feeling is worth more than what money you get paid.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others argue that what you get paid is more important.
For example
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, even if you don't enjoy doing your
job
Use synonyms
,
at the end
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 of the month , your high salary can let you enjoy many exclusive and expensive things. In vacations, you can experience a luxurious life.
In contrast
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, your daily life schedule can include expensive things that other low salaries cant access.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, I agree that people should choose a career that they feel passionate about,
while
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also
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 considering a good income that helps them relax and not worry about their living expenses or utility bills and
also
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 provides essential
applliances
Correct your spelling
appliances
 or food for their families.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is true that a high salary is important, but the feeling of satisfaction in your career is
also
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 crucial.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say which point is more important, or say that both are equal and explain why. Your view is there, but it is not fully clear at first.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain why job joy can help people work well over many years, and why money can pay for a home, food, and family needs.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Add one clear real-life case, such as a nurse who loves the work but needs enough pay for rent and food.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, your view, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas smoother. Use words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” when they show the true link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and join too many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “what you get paid” and “expensive things”. Use simple other words, such as “pay”, “income”, “daily needs”, and “a good life”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. You show that job joy and enough money both matter.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the conclusion brings the two sides together.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “For instance”, “On the other hand”, “In my opinion”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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