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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the
charity's money percentage
Correct word order
percentage of money
show examples
 given by British people by
age
Use synonyms
 range fromAGE RANGE FROM 1990 TO 2010.
OVERALL
Linking Words
,
IT IS CLEAR THAT
Linking Words
 THE
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
 BETWEEN 36-50 YEARS HAD THE HIGHEST FIGURES,
WHEREAS
Linking Words
 THE LOWETS ACOOUNTED BY THE 18-25
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
. LOOKING FIRST IN THE YEAR 1990, IN THE 18-25
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
 IT SHARED 18% , AND IT INCREASED AFTERWARD TO 32%.
MOREOVER
Linking Words
, CHARITY REACHED AT PEAK IN 36-50
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
 WITH 42%. AFTER
THAT
Punctuation problem
THAT,
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 IT SHOWED A
DECLINE
Replace the word
DECLINING
 TREND TO 38% BY THE 51-65
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
, FOLLOWED BY 32% IN THE MORE THAN 65
AGE
Use synonyms
.
Check wording
GROUP.
show examples
 TURNING TO THE REMAINING YEAR, IN 2010, THE DONATION STARTED WITH THE LOWEST NUMBERS THAT ESTEMAITED AROUND 6% AND SURGED TO 23% IN THE 26-23
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
 AND 35% BY
36
Add an article
THE 36
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-50
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
. IT ATTAINED THE HIGHEST FIGURES IN THE 51-65
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUP
Use synonyms
 WITH 39%.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
, IT
THEN
Linking Words
 FOLLOWED THE DECLINE TREND IN THE
AGE
Use synonyms
 OF MORE THAN 65
WITH
Punctuation problem
, WITH
show examples
 35%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charitable donations
  • age range/bracket/group
  • percentage (%)
  • 20-year period
  • British people
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • significant change
  • donation patterns
  • remained stable
  • highest/lowest
  • observe
  • compare
  • summarize
  • comment on
  • relevant features
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