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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that courses can make anyone a teacher, while others feel an excellent teacher can't be made by pursuing a course. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
More and more people think that taking educational or scientific
courses
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 is enough to be a
teacher
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,
while
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 others disagree. From my perspective, I completely believe that educational
courses
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 alongside behavioural skills are vital to be a qualified
teacher
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, some individuals claim that
specialized
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specialised
show examples
courses
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 are the main source of
information
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. Explaining the concepts and theories in these educational
courses
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 in their own way is enough, which makes it easier to be a
teacher
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.
As a result
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, a lot of teachers will exist in different schools
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the need for other skills will be less.
For example
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, a study conducted by the Department of Science at Melbourne University concluded that 75% of scientific
information
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 can be explained by simple words regardless of any additional skills.
Therefore
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, depending only on people who understood specialized
subjects
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 is more than enough to deliver the required
information
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.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, it is believed that behavioural factors can be a co-factor in delivering the needed
information
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. Body language is capable of making ideas more tangible, which leads to understanding them easily.
Consequently
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, there will be
higher
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a higher
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 quality of teachers in many schools regardless of their
subjects
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.
For instance
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, teachers in the United Kingdom have to perform practical experiments in the STEM
subjects
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 for their students before the end of the academic year.
As a result
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, behavioural aspects are important in all scientific
subjects
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 to be easily understood.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I totally believe that taking some
courses
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 in order to be a
teacher
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 is vital,
while
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 body language and behavioural aspects should
also
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 be considered.

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Task response
Make both views clear. In the first main part, say why some people think a course is enough. In the second, say why others think good teachers need more than a course. Then give your own view more fully.
Task response
Your main idea is clear, but some points need more detail. Explain how a course gives subject knowledge, and why skills such as clear speech, care, and the ability to deal with a class cannot always be taught by a course.
Task response
Use examples that directly prove your point. The study about scientific information does not show that a person can teach well. A better example would show a teacher with strong subject knowledge but poor class skills, or the other way round.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the second main part does not fully match the other view in the question. Make the link clear: a course may teach facts, but an excellent teacher also needs personal skills and real class work.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one idea. The first paragraph moves from courses to the number of teachers in schools. Stay with the main point: why some people feel course study is enough.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear meaning. Words such as “as a result” and “consequently” should show a real cause and result. In a few places, the result is not clear from the idea before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Make your final paragraph stronger by restating your opinion in one direct sentence: courses are needed, but they alone do not make an excellent teacher.
Task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear personal view.
Task response
You use examples about science and school work to support your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “First of all”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
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