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Writing Samples
Band 5

Whether an ageing population is beneficial remains a subject of considerable debate. While some people argue that the growing number of older adults creates valuable employment opportunities, others believe that it places considerable pressure on public resources. This essay will examine both perspectives before explaining why I find the benefits more convincing.

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Introduction
Whether an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 is beneficial remains a subject of considerable debate.
While
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 some people argue that older citizens contribute valuable experience, others believe that an ageing society creates financial challenges.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before explaining why I find proper planning essential.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporters of an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 argue that older people provide valuable support.
This
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 is mainly because they share their experience and offer unpaid childcare.
For example
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, in Nepal, grandparents often care for their grandchildren
while
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 parents work.
As a result
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, families can reduce childcare expenses and balance work with family responsibilities.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others argue that an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 creates financial pressure. The main reason is that governments must spend more on pensions and healthcare.
Although
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 older people contribute to society, fewer working-age taxpayers may struggle to support these costs.
For instance
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, Nepal may face challenges providing sufficient healthcare and financial support for its growing elderly
population
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, public budgets may face greater pressure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both perspectives have their own merits.
However
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, I believe the challenges require careful planning because of rising public expenses. Ultimately, governments should invest in healthcare and introduce sustainable pension reforms.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why planning can deal with the costs and keep the good parts of an ageing society.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but they could be more fully explained. For example, show how pension changes or health care plans would help workers, older people, and public money.
task response
The Nepal examples fit your ideas. Add one more clear fact or case if you can, so the points feel more real and less general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and a close. Keep this same clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are good, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently”. Try not to use the same link pattern in every paragraph; use simple changes like “Also”, “This means”, or “Because of this”.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph works well, but it could connect more directly to your main view. State that careful planning is the best way to reduce the money problems while keeping the help older people give.
task response
You deal with both views fairly and give a clear final view about the need for planning.
task response
The examples about grandparents caring for children and public spending in Nepal are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, an explanation, and an example. This makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the close gives a clear final point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • older adults
  • working-age population
  • employment opportunities
  • healthcare sector
  • long-term care
  • retirement homes
  • home-care services
  • medical equipment
  • public resources
  • state pensions
  • tax revenue
  • public spending
  • financial burden
  • skilled workforce
  • flexible retirement
  • preventive healthcare
  • demographic change
  • economic contribution
  • support local businesses
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