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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, some
people
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 think that society can do nothing to improve the
environment
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,
while
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 governments and large companies can make a difference. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
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 statement because they can impose taxes
regarding
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on
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nature
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 and
can
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apply
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allocate funds for
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason for
this
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 view is that they have the right to establish new legislation about the
environment
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.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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people
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 lose the
environment
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 in different ways,
such
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 as
air
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pollution
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, deforestation, and land use, which is damaging our ecosystem.
In addition
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 to these factors, individuals tend to look after
Earth
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the Earth
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, which makes
this
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 situation
wors
Correct your spelling
worse
Body paragraph 2
e.
As a result
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, if the government were to apply new laws regarding the
environment
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,
they
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it
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 would notice that the levels of
air
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pollution
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 and deforestation would drop significantly
due to
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 the laws. A case in point is that
,
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apply
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 the government of Uzbekistan used a law, which consists of using land without permission from the government, which should take action and introduce statistics, which should not lead to
air
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pollution
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.
Body paragraph 3
The second idea is that they can allocate
money
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 to protect the
environment
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.
This
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 means that society can collect a group of
people
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 who want to improve
nature
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 with their knowledge, but there is a drawback of a substantial
fund, without
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funding
money
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, they don't have the opportunity to do something.
Additionally
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, sometimes they cannot collect a sufficient number of
people
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 who are ready to help.
Consequently
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, companies or governments can give
money
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 to organizations, who's job is to care for the
environment
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 , or they can spend
money
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 on
nature
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 with new trees or flowers or even new species of animals.
For example
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, in 2024, the USA spent about $200 millions of dollars to preserve
nature
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 from the existence of trees and animals.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly agree with
this
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 statement since governments can make new legislation regarding the use of land or levels of
air
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pollution
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 from factories , and they can allocate public funds to preserve some of the species.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph and keep the same view all through the essay. Your view is clear, but the first line says that society can do nothing. This is too strong and does not fully match your later idea that people can help but need money.
task response
Explain why people cannot make a difference by themselves, and why their small acts are still useful. This will make your answer more complete and fair.
task response
Make each main idea more clear. For example, say that governments can make laws and punish firms that pollute, while large firms can change how they make and sell things.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true. The Uzbekistan example is hard to understand because the law and its result are not explained well. The USA example needs a clear source or a more general example.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph about laws, one paragraph about money and company action, then conclusion. Your essay has this shape, but some ideas inside each paragraph are not in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main point. Then explain it, give one example, and show the result. Do not put many new ideas in the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Some links are used, but they do not always show the right relation between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences. For example, the sentence about the Uzbekistan law has too many parts, so the reader cannot see your point. Split it into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check words that refer to people or groups. Use “governments and large companies” instead of “they” when the meaning may not be clear. Also, use “whose job” rather than “who’s job”.
task response
You give a direct view and support it with two main reasons: making laws and giving money.
task response
Your conclusion repeats your main view and the key points from the body.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “As a result”, “Consequently”, and “For example”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
What to do next:
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