IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students about good behaviour and morals. Others believe that teachers should only be responsible for teaching academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people think that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for teaching students about good behaviour and morals. Others believe that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should only be responsible for teaching academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Some critics are arguing whether
educators
Use synonyms
 should have
duty
Add an article
a duty
show examples
 for learners’ behaviours and ethical values.
However
Linking Words
, others claim that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should
only be
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 teaching theoretical knowledge to learners. I believe that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should help
adolescent’s
Check wording
adolescents’
show examples
 ethical reasoning and good behaviour.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand , Critics might say
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
show examples
 rather than
Use synonyms
educators
Punctuation problem
educators,
show examples
 should bear the duty for teaching teenagers’ morality . When babies are
born
Punctuation problem
born,
show examples
 parenting
stands
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a pivotal role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 children’s basic manners .
For instance
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their child to be polite to others, say “Please”, “Thank you” when appropriate.
Thus
Linking Words
, adolescents would mimic
parents
Use synonyms
’ actions and habits , so it is a vital task for
parents
Use synonyms
 to take care of their
deeds
Check wording
actions
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, critics maintain that since core ethical values should
taught
Verb problem
be taught
show examples
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
,
educators
Use synonyms
 should solely focus on improving students’ academic results.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , I believe that schools are responsible for educating moral discernment and good
behaviours
Check wording
behaviour
show examples
. Inside the
school
Use synonyms
, students will interact with a significant number of classmates.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes
conflict
Check wording
conflicts
show examples
 or
argument
Check wording
arguments
show examples
 would happen between learners , usually they don’t have the skills to tackle
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 kind of situation . That’s the point of having
educators
Use synonyms
 to instruct youth in ethical reasoning and
behaving
Replace the word
behavioural
 norms.
For example
Linking Words
, guiding youngsters to develop their interpersonal skills, team spirit and behaviour.
This
Linking Words
 holistic education shapes their conduct inside or outside the
school
Use synonyms
, ensuring they become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible citizens.
Conclusion
As a result
Linking Words
 , it is important to have good manners in all ways
Punctuation problem
, no
show examples
no matter
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 in daily
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
 or in
school
Use synonyms
.
Adolescents
Check wording
Adolescents'
show examples
 ethical values should not only
acquire value
Wrong verb form
be acquired
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 , but
also
Linking Words
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
further
Linking Words
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. A
balance
Replace the word
balanced
 approach can strengthen youngsters’ career
path
Check wording
paths
show examples
 and responsible citizens in society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why teachers and parents should share this work. Show how this can happen in real school life.
task response
Your examples are useful, such as parents teaching children to say “please” and “thank you”. Add one clear school example, such as a teacher helping two students solve a fight, to make your main idea more real.
task response
Keep your ideas focused on the question. The point about a young person’s career path is not fully explained, so it would be better to link it more clearly to good behaviour and moral learning.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, your view, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like “However”, “Thus”, and “As a result” should show the exact link between ideas. For example, use “Therefore” only when the next sentence is a result of the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order or missing words. For example, write “teachers should play a key role in teaching academic subjects” instead of “teachers should only be a crucial role on teaching theoretical knowledge”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. State your view again, then say that parents teach the first values at home while teachers help students use these values with other people at school.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the parent view, the teacher view, and your own opinion.
task response
Your main opinion is clear: teachers should help students learn good behaviour and moral thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one central idea, and the examples support the point of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: