IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 people choose different approaches to build their working life. There are two main ways of developing a personal
career
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.
One
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 group of individuals think that it is optimal to stick to
one
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 organisation and develop in
one
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 direction,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it is preferable to
work
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 in a variety of places to gain as much experience as possible.
Although
Linking Words
 both strategies may lead to success, in my
view
Punctuation problem
view,
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 it is a better idea to
work
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 for diverse organisations.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
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 hand, investing all your time
laboring
Change the spelling
labouring
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 for
one
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 company could have a great outcome. Whilst sticking to
one
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 organisation can potentially lead you to success by gaining more and more understanding of your
work
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 and developing an exact set of competencies in terms of certain
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone works on
one
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 job, the chances of understanding every small aspect of
work
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 throughout
years
Add an article
the years
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increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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 dramatically.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, employees who change jobs throughout their careers are likely to develop a broader range of skills, helping them become more versatile professionals. By joining various companies, they interact with different people, explore alternative working methods, and gain a wider perspective on their field.
For instance
Linking Words
, changing workplaces can expose them to new
career
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 prospects and allow them to meet people who recognise their potential and offer more rewarding positions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, adapting to different working environments helps them gain valuable experience and develop a more comprehensive understanding of professional challenges.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 both approaches have their advantages, changing jobs offers greater flexibility and a wider range of opportunities.
While
Linking Words
 remaining with
one
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 employer may increase the chances of promotion within the organisation, moving between companies can broaden
one
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's expertise and lead to more promising
career
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 prospects.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both
career
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 paths can lead to success.
Although
Linking Words
 lifelong employment with a single company provides stability, I believe that gaining experience across multiple organisations is more beneficial in the long run, as it equips individuals with diverse skills and opens up more professional opportunities.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why one company may help a worker move up, and why moving jobs may also have risks, such as less job safety.
task response
Your examples are clear but quite general. Add one real or more detailed example, such as a worker who learns new systems in two or three companies and then gets a better job.
task response
Some points repeat the idea of getting more skills and more chances. Use this space to add a new point, for example, better pay, new work styles, or a wider group of work contacts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, the other view, your view, and conclusion. Keep this strong plan.
coherence and cohesion
The start of the first main paragraph is not fully clear. The sentence beginning with “Whilst sticking to one organisation” needs a main sentence after it. Write it as one clear sentence: “Staying with one organisation can lead to success because workers learn their job in great detail.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On one hand” is better as “On the one hand”. Also, avoid using “For example” when the next sentence is a general point rather than a full example.
coherence and cohesion
The last two paragraphs have very similar ideas. You could make the fourth paragraph shorter, then use the conclusion only to restate your main view in fresh words.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain both choices and clearly state that working for different organisations is better in your view.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and easy to follow, especially the point that different workplaces can build a wider set of skills.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main focus, and the use of “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader follow your line of thought.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and match your main opinion well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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