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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
In recent years , an increasing number of young
people
Use synonyms
 who play
video
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games
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 have been noticed in our societies. Some
people
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 think that
video
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games
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 can negatively affect
this
Linking Words
 player,
while
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 others believe that there's nothing to be concerned about . In my point of view , I strongly believe that
video
Use synonyms
games
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 have a lot of negative impact , especially on young
people
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 and
students
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.
Body paragraph 1
In recent years , an increasing number of young
people
Use synonyms
 who play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have been noticed in our societies. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can negatively affect
this
Linking Words
 player,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that there's nothing to be concerned about . In my point of view , I strongly believe that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have a lot of negative impact , especially on young
people
Use synonyms
 and
students
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the
one
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 hand ,
video
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games
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 can take up all
students
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' time , so they will not study and prepare well for the exam . In the case of studying ,
students
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' grades will noticeably decline .
In addition
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 , players' mental health will be significantly affected , and addiction to these
games
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 may make them more irritable .
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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 ,some
people
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 believe that
video
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games
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 are
one
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 of the most important things because nowadays electronic sports (ES) is
one
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 of the best jobs and an investment in young
people
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's potential .
For example
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 , in Saudi Arabia,
one
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 of the biggest ES clubs in the world
witch
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 is FALCON, was founded by Mousaed Aldossery when he was 20 years old .
Conclusion
To sum up
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 ,
while
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 some
people
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 believe
video
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games
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 are harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the players, others think the opposite. From my perspective , I strongly believe that
video
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games
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 have more disadvantage
then
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 the advantage.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph: say that you agree that games can waste time and harm health, but not all games are bad.
task response
Explain each main idea more. For study, show how long game time can cut homework, sleep, and exam work. For health, add clear points such as less sleep, less sport, and stress.
task response
The Saudi Arabia e-sports case is useful, but link it to your view. Say that it is a rare case and that most young players will not make money from games.
task response
Do not copy the first paragraph twice. Use that space for one more reason or a fuller example.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first main point, other view and reply, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an example and explain why it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a natural way: For example, As a result, However, and Therefore. Do not use too many at the start of every line.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for people. Use “players” or “young people”, not “this player” when you mean many people.
task response
You give a clear personal view that video games can have more harm than good.
task response
You include both sides of the topic and give a real-world e-sports example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas about school work, addiction, and mental health are linked well to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible outcomes
  • excessive screen time
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • prolonged exposure
  • violent or addictive video games
  • increased aggression
  • social withdrawal
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • multiplayer games
  • emotional well-being
  • stress relief
  • mental relaxation
  • unwind
  • escape from daily pressures
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