IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The expansion of online shopping will
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in
closing
Add an article
the closing
show examples
 of all
shops
Use synonyms
 in
towns
Use synonyms
 and
cities
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand, I agree that online shopping is increasing day by day,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 I believe that
this
Linking Words
 tendency cannot lead to the closing of all
shops
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
l
Correct your spelling
I
 will talk about
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 in
towns
Use synonyms
 and
cities
Use synonyms
 before talking about
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
 for increasing of online shopping.
Body paragraph 1
Shopping places, including
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, malls,
Correct word choice
and boutiques
show examples
boutiques
Punctuation problem
boutiques,
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 are still necessary for
people
Use synonyms
, because they allow
people
Use synonyms
 to experience real shopping. To clarify, most
people
Use synonyms
 are sensitive about their clothes, especially in terms of material, size, suitability, texture or color which can be seen in different form in internet
website
Check wording
websites
show examples
 and in real life. On the other point of view, shopping can
be considered
Correct word order
also be considered
show examples
also
Linking Words
 as a kind of therapy for some
people
Use synonyms
. When they feel stressed, depressed or bored, they want to escape from
this
Linking Words
 feeling by shopping.
Body paragraph 2
Finally
Linking Words
,
closing
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the closing
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 can
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in unemployment, because currently a lot of
people
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in
shops
Use synonyms
. For these reasons, shopping places in
towns
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 and
cities
Use synonyms
 are still important.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, information technologies are constantly developing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 almost every person has
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
internet
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the internet
show examples
. There are those who prefer online shopping because of its benefits,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 saving. To illustrate, busy
people
Use synonyms
have no
Correct word order
do not have
show examples
 enough
time
Use synonyms
 to go from shop to shop to buy a certain product or cloth. Online shopping allows
people
Use synonyms
 to finish their shopping in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 via just searching, scrolling and ordering.
it
Correct word order
Secondly, it
show examples
Secondly
Linking Words
, sometimes can be hard to find a particular product in physical
shops
Use synonyms
, but there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 always a wide range of products in online
shops
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, today renting prices are so high for entrepreneurs. It means that opening a website can be
cheaper
Add an article
a cheaper
show examples
 way to set
a
Verb problem
up a
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business rather than opening a physical shop in
cities
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to do online shopping.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 online shopping has several benefits, including
time
Use synonyms
 saving,
extent of
Check wording
apply
show examples
a wide range of products and cost efficiency for business
people
Use synonyms
, it cannot
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in
closing
Add an article
the closing
show examples
 of all
shops
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 or
towns
Use synonyms
 in terms of
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
show examples
 of product on site and
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of employment.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not think all shops will close. Keep this view in every part of the essay. Explain more clearly why online shopping may make some shops close but not all of them.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one real or clear example. For example, people may need to try on shoes or check food before they buy it. This makes your point stronger.
task response
Some ideas need more detail. The point about jobs is useful, but shops could also change or offer new jobs. Say why this means physical shops will still stay open.
task response
Avoid ideas that do not fully prove your view. Shopping as a way to feel better is possible, but it is less strong than the need to see, touch, or try goods before buying.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler plan: introduction with your view, one paragraph on why shops will stay, one paragraph on why online shopping will grow, and a conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan well.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more natural. Use words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Do not use “Finally” when you still have a new main point after it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, the point about trying goods and the point about shopping for stress are quite different. Give more space to the stronger point.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with long sentences and unclear links. For example, explain exactly how high rent leads some sellers to use online shops instead of physical shops.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that online shopping will not cause every shop to close.
task response
You include useful reasons on both sides, such as saving time, more choice online, and the need to see or try goods in shops.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to explain some ideas, such as busy people buying goods online and people checking clothes in shops.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
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