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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that change is always a positive thing, while others think that stability is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
A significant proportion of people considered that alternation is always a optimistics things,
whereas
Linking Words
 other people believed that permanence is more vital in order to overcome it. Both perspectives will be critically evaluated before concluding that I firmly believe that the modification is more crucial than stability in other
terms
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, in the contemporary era, technological advancement has been increasingly
rapidly
Rephrase
rapid
show examples
 for the past few years. Most people are utilising modern devices
such
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 as new mobile phones,
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 level
gadegts
Correct your spelling
gadgets
, which are ultimately more effective to enhance their careers in the severe field. To take an example, earlier citizens were not used to smart devices and were not aware of broadband connectivity
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
however
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, a large population rely on these equiments which would be beneficial for them to enhance their field.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
while
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 other communities firmly believed that stability is more crucial in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms
Use synonyms
 of career and career
security
Punctuation problem
security,
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 is one most essential for them to secure a job and other
terms
Use synonyms
, they can
then
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 do a better job to improve their skills in a particular field.
For instance
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, a person in the engineering sector when change activity twice in two years would experience adverse effects on them
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
therefore
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, career or other fields it long
terms
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 its positive influence on society.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 independence, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is paramount for
overall
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hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 and well being same as stability
also
Linking Words
 give comfortable and feels free from anxiety.

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task response
You discuss both change and stability, and you give your own view. However, your main ideas are not clear enough. Explain why change is good and why stability is good in a more direct way.
task response
Keep the same focus from start to end. Your last paragraph talks about job satisfaction and happiness, but this does not fully match the question about change and stability.
task response
Use clear, real examples. For change, explain how new phones or the internet help people work or study. For stability, explain how staying in one job helps a person learn more and feel safe.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and an ending. This is a good basic plan. Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the ideas are joined in a confusing way. Use short sentences and simple links such as 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In contrast'.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should clearly restate your view. Say that change is useful in some areas, but stability is also needed, then explain which one you think is more important and why.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating unclear words such as 'field', 'terms', and 'things'. Use exact words like 'work', 'technology', 'job security', or 'daily life'.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and state your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear overall essay shape, with a beginning, two main paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples to support your ideas, such as technology and work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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