IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Solving environmental problems should be responsibility of one international organisation rather than the responsibility of each national government . Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Instead
Linking Words
 of each
country
Use synonyms
’s
government
Use synonyms
 solving ecological
issues
Use synonyms
 ,
one
Use synonyms
 global
Use synonyms
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 should be responsible for solving these
problems
Use synonyms
 . I partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement , because a single international
Use synonyms
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 cannot tackle environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 . I believe that every
country
Use synonyms
 should take part in solving
this
Linking Words
 problem .
Body paragraph 1
On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand , a
centralized
Change the spelling
centralised
show examples
 international
organization
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 play a crucial role in managing
enverionmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
problems
Use synonyms
 . Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
global
issues
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as air pollution, climate change, ocean pollution ,
global
Correct word choice
and global
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 warming cannot
be occurred
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
 in only
Use synonyms
country
Correct determiner usage
one country
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 .
Moreover
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
one
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
 has
Use synonyms
one of the
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 environmental problem ,
this
Linking Words
 situation can affect other
countries
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , smoke from factories and flooding in reservoirs in some states can
negative
Verb problem
have a negative
show examples
 effect
to
Change preposition
on the countries
show examples
 located
nearly
Replace the word
nearby
countries
Use synonyms
 . In
this
Linking Words
 situation ,
advancement
Replace the word
advanced
 technologies need to tackle environmental
degration
Correct your spelling
degradation
.
However
Linking Words
 , a number of developing
countries
Use synonyms
haven’t
Correct word order
don’t have
show examples
 enough funding to use these technologies .
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, an international
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organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 can facilitate funding and transfer green technology
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 many agreement contract among
countries
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 .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , activities of only the global
Use synonyms
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 might not be solved for
envormental
Correct your spelling
environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 . Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
each
Use synonyms
nation
Check wording
nation's
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 can know well their
problems
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rather
Rephrase
better
show examples
 than
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. If every
country
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try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries to
show examples
 keep the environment clean , these
problems
Use synonyms
 can not become global concerns .
In addition
Linking Words
 , when the
Use synonyms
nation
Replace the word
national
government
Use synonyms
 can introduce strict laws and regulations for
factories
Check wording
factory
show examples
 activities and impose fines for polluting industries , these factories can
effort
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 that
do
Correct pronoun usage
they do
show examples
 not harm the environment .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
international
Use synonyms
organization
Check wording
organisations
show examples
 set guidelines , they cannot enforce
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 rules within
nation
Use synonyms
government
Use synonyms
 .
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason , each
country
Use synonyms
 should implement environmental policies .
Conclusion
In
counclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, a single international body is important for solving environmental
issues
Use synonyms
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 only
global
Add an article
a global
show examples
organization
Use synonyms
 resolve environmental crises .
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 can provide financial aid ,setting global
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
, without
Use synonyms
nation
Replace the word
national
government
Use synonyms
 activities , it cannot achieve enough successes about keep the environment clean .

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Task response
Your view is clear: you partly disagree. Keep this same view in all parts. Say that world action is needed, but each country must also act.
Task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. For example, show how a world group can give money and clean technology, and show why local governments must make and use laws.
Task response
Use one clear example. The example about factory smoke is useful, but explain it clearly: smoke from one country can cross borders and harm people in nearby countries.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with a direct main idea. Then give a reason, an example, and a short link back to the question.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not begin a sentence with “Since” or “Because” unless you finish the full idea. Use simple links such as “For example”, “Also”, “However”, and “Therefore”.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the ending clear and complete. Write that an international group cannot solve these problems alone; it needs national governments to make laws and take action.
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
Task response
You include useful ideas about money, clean technology, laws, and fines.
Coherence and cohesion
The two main paragraphs are easy to see, and “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” show the change in focus.
Coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives the topic and your position, and your ending returns to the main point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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