Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil, natural gas, are used in many countries. But in some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, are encouraged. Is this trend a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
In recent years, many countries have relied on fossil fuels for
energy
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sources,
although
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some nations are introducing clean
energy
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sources
such
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as wind and solar power. I support
this
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trend
,
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;
show examples
however
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, it requires an immense amount of financial investment and
time
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.
This
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essay will explain why.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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with, a renewable
energy
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source has a remarkable impact on the environment and health.
Therefore
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, relying on clean
energy
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sources can bring a faster solution for today's issues,
such
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as respiratory diseases caused by air pollution,
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then
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and
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investing more in renewable
energy
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will boost the economy and secure our well-being.
For example
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, there are a few companies that are facilitating on solar base vehicle, which makes them a valuable asset in mitigating climate change.
Body paragraph 2
The vast investment in renewable
energy
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can bring socio-economic advantage
,
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;
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however
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,
such
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an approach requires a large amount of investment and
time
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.
This
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world has been relying on fossil oil for way too long to shift to renewable
energy
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, despit that directing large sums towards clean
energy
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will improve the economic situation and health issues. In the future,
as a result
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,
such
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pragramatic approach can be affordable for the public.
For instance
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, many industries depend on oil, coal and natural gas to operate their companies
,
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;
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however
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, to jump in to a renewable
energy
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will consume
time
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and
energy
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fast.
However
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, progress takes
time
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, as long as they work towards it.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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there are vaild reason why a nation can not jump to renewable
energy
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, I believe encouraging a nation towards renewable
energy
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is advantageous.
This
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is mainly because of the impact it has on envirnment and health.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say the change is good, but you also focus a lot on its cost and time. Make it clear that these are problems, not reasons to stop the change.
task response
Explain each main idea in more detail. For example, say how wind and solar power can cut dirty air, lower health problems, and help people live better.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The example about solar cars is not well explained and does not strongly show how energy change helps a whole country.
task response
Avoid ideas that are not clear, such as clean energy making the economy better without saying why. Explain the link: new jobs, lower fuel cost, or less money spent on health care.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an end. However, the second body paragraph repeats the same point about cost and time. Give it one clear job: explain the short-term problems, then show why the long-term good is greater.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas easier to follow. Start each body paragraph with one main point, explain it, and then add one example. Do not move back and forth between good points and problems in the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “however”, “therefore”, and “for example” are used often, but some links are not natural. Make sure the next sentence truly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences when the idea is hard. This will help you avoid unclear parts, such as the sentence about oil use and the move to clean energy.
task response
You give a clear overall view that support for wind and solar power is a good change.
task response
You include two useful main areas: the environment and health, and the cost and time needed for change.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a full structure with an opening, body paragraphs, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words to show contrast, cause, and examples.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • inexhaustible
  • pollution
  • economic growth
  • job creation
  • finite resources
  • boom-and-bust cycles
  • national security
  • dependence
  • politically unstable regions
  • infrastructure
  • intermittency
  • energy storage solutions
  • potential
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