The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992

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The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992
The two pie graphs illustrate the percentage of employees and self-employed by genre and profession in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that female workers were superior in clerical or related, craft or similar, and other manual,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Correct word choice
male
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employees
were prevail
Wrong verb form
prevailed
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in managerial and professional, general labourers, and other non-manual. In terms of individual sex, women demonstrated the highest preference for clerical or related,
while
Linking Words
men were most interested in general labourers. In both
of genre
Fix the agreement mistake
genres
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, managerial and professional had the lowest indication. First and foremost, the proportion of women who had been clerical or related staff members accounted for 31%
,
Add a semicolon
;
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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the rate of managerial and professional female members stood at 29%. The percentage of craft or similar amounted to 27%,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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the others equaled to 13% together. As for men, the rate of
female
Check wording
females
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who chose general labourers in the given year
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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comprised 36%,
in addition
Linking Words
, craft or similar constituted to 26%. The proportion of other non-manual male workers remained 24%,
regarding to
Correct word choice
while
show examples
the
rests
Replace the word
rest
,
such
Linking Words
as clerical or related, managerial and professional, and other
manual
Punctuation problem
manual,
show examples
stood at respectively to 6%, 2%, and 6%,
in
Change preposition
for a
show examples
total 14%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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