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Writing Samples
Band 6

A portion of the human population believes that criminal behaviour has its roots in genes. Others think that circumstances lead people to commit crimes. Discuss your take on both views and put forward your opinions.

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Introduction
There is a group of
people
Use synonyms
 who tend to think that
crime
Use synonyms
 is committed by individuals with specifc gene. Another group shares the idea that the outer world or hard life situations, like poverty or hunger, lead
people
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 to break the law.
While
Linking Words
 I understand that the gene can be a part of a person's character, I have a belief that circumstances and the upbringing process play a crucial role in defining the attitude of the individual
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
crime
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are well-known clans, in which the status of the person in the
crime
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 world is predefined before their birth.
Such
Linking Words
 philosophy is common in less developed countries where the strength dominates the freedom of thought.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the Islamic terrorists bring up their children, teaching them how to organise
crime
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 and murder
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a community and the person's reaction to the difficulties can lead to different consequences, including illegal ones. Having lack of discipline and knowledge,
people
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 tend to find the easiest ways of making money, gaining respect and building the desired future.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the businessmen who lost their money
due to
Linking Words
 circumstances, for which they were not prepared, tend to bring back their past level of life using several methods, including
crime
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I understand that for some
people
Use synonyms
crime
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 can be a religion or philosophy, which is passed through generations, I am sure that circumstances and community are the main factors for
people
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 to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both views and give your own view clearly. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why genes may affect crime and why life conditions may have a bigger effect.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. For example, saying that most Islamic terrorists teach their children to murder is too strong and may not be true. Use a more general example, such as children who grow up around crime may see it as normal.
task response
Your second example is not fully clear. It is hard to say that most business people who lose money turn to crime. Give a more likely case, such as a person with no job and no support may steal to get food or money.
task response
Make your own view more exact. You could say that genes may shape a person’s nature, but they do not force a person to break the law. Family, school, friends, work, and money problems often have a stronger effect.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a direct main idea. For example: “Some people think crime can run in families.” Then explain the idea before giving an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link the ideas inside each paragraph more clearly. Use simple links such as “This is because”, “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “However” to show cause and result.
coherence and cohesion
The first main part moves from genes to crime families and then to country conditions. These are not the same idea. Keep the paragraph focused on one point, or explain the link between family teaching and genes.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “circumstances” and “crime” too often. You can also use “life conditions”, “hard times”, “breaking the law”, or “illegal acts” where suitable.
task response
You discuss both sides of the question and state your own view in the opening and ending.
task response
Your main point is clear: you believe family life and hard conditions have a strong effect on criminal acts.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader follow the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph includes an example, which shows an effort to support the main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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