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Band 5

In the past, parents used to spend more time with their children by reading books and telling them stories. However, in modern life, these activities are becoming less common because children now have access to many forms of entertainment and technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In recent years, owing to the instant access to versatile technological devices and numerous types of amusement,
children
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 began to spend less
time
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 with their family members,
whereas
Linking Words
, before,
parents
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 shared their leisure
time
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 with their kids by reciting stories.
While
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 the circumstances have shifted over
the
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apply
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time
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, I am still of the opinion that
,
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 the more the younger generation interacts with their caregivers, the stronger bonds and confidence they form.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, today's
children
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 are born inside the digital era.
Consequently
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, now busy
parents
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 can easily leave their kids alone with a tablet
for playing
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to play
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 games or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 videos.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, before,
this
Linking Words
 was more challenging, and families had to take their kids to their workplaces.
However
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, considering the sensitive content
in
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on
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 the internet,
parents
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 should be careful about the things their
children
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 are playing or watching.
Body paragraph 2
From an alternative perspective, bringing up a child who feels secure and communicates easily with
the
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apply
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society is the responsibility of the
parents
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. They should teach their
children
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 about social norms
,
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apply
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 and how relationships work through storytelling.
This
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 activity not only strengthens emotional intelligence and parent-child relationship
but
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, but
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also
Linking Words
the
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cherishing moments with family create healthier atmosphere in which its members grow in a place where they feel heard and respected.
Conversely
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, those who avoid communication or diminish the
time
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 shared with their
children
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 are prone to bring up
children
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 who do not excel at their interpersonal relationships, only because they did not learn it from the family environment.
Conclusion
On balance, despite the compelling arguments on both sides, I am still a proponent of the idea of a family surrounding where the mother, father and the kid spend
time
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 together by communicating, engaging with various activities in order to become adults with higher self-esteem.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why screen time has taken the place of reading and stories, and why shared time is better.
task response
Use one clear real-life example in each main part. For example, show how a child may watch short videos alone, then show how a parent can use a story to talk about feelings and good or bad acts.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Add more detail about how stories help children learn words, listen, talk, and feel close to their parents.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the first main part focus only on the modern view and the second part focus only on your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The link from technology to parents taking children to work is not very clear. Replace it with a direct point about how phones, games, and videos let children spend free time alone.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences contain too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the main point is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way: 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In my view'. Do not add a contrast word when there is no real contrast.
task response
You give a clear opinion that parents should spend more time talking and doing things with their children.
task response
You include useful points about safety, family bonds, confidence, and social skills.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the change from the past to modern life and gives your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to your main idea and gives the essay a clear close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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