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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Herein
Punctuation problem
Herein,
show examples
 the chart shows information about the favourite subjects of
students
Use synonyms
 from two middle schools,
school
Use synonyms
 A and
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. The maximum
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
number of students
show examples
 of
school
Use synonyms
 A in
Maths
Add an article
the Maths
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subject
Use synonyms
 is 11%
Linking Words
on
Add a semicolon
; on
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 the other
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in
Maths
Add an article
the Maths
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 is 20%.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants of
school
Use synonyms
 A in
Science
Add an article
the Science
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 is 19%
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants of
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 is 5%.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
 A in
Literature
Add an article
the Literature
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 is 10%
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
on the
Linking Words
contrary
Punctuation problem
contrary,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in
Literature
Add an article
the Literature
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 is 35%.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
 A in
Drawing
Add an article
the Drawing
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 is 9%
Linking Words
on
Add a semicolon
; on
show examples
 the other hand
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in
Drawing
Add an article
the Drawing
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 is 50%. Proceeding ahead, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
 A in Sports is 71%
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in Sports is 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 91%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, school, b, subject, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 9 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • comparative data
  • favorite subjects
  • middle schools
  • horizontal axis
  • vertical axis
  • quantifies
  • preference
  • initial observation
  • significantly greater interest
  • shared enthusiasm
  • favored
  • attracts more students
  • draws the highest number
  • popularity
  • outliers
  • subject preferences
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