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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that climate change is a natural phenomenon that has occurred throughout Earth's history. Others believe that human activity is the primary cause of the current changes in global climate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many people think that climate change is a normal thing and
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a
part
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
Punctuation problem
history,
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while
Linking Words
 others think that it is primaraly happen as a
part
Use synonyms
 of human activities.
Althoguh
Correct your spelling
Although
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 we have evedance it is a
part
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 of
natural
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a natural
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process
Punctuation problem
process,
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 I believe current climate
changes
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change
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 has
been apeared
Wrong verb form
appeared
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 mainly
becasue
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because
 of human activities.
Body paragraph 1
Earth
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The Earth
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 that we
seen
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see
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 today has
been go throught
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gone through
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 many stages to
becoming
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reach
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 its current
stage
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. Each
stage
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 took thousand years
of
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to
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time
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 complete
,
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.
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 It
passes
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passed
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 enormous
environment
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environmental
 conditions trough out the
time
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
ice
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the ice
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 age,
pre ice
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pre-ice
 age
etc
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
, Each and every
time
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this
Linking Words
 earth has faced different environmental conditions. Because of
this
Linking Words
reason
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reason,
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 many people think recent environmental changes that happend regulaly that because of the
part
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 of it.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
As per
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according to
show examples
 the
researches find
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research
each
Punctuation problem
, each
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 and every
stage
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last
Linking Words
 larger period of
time
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 and
move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
show examples
 into
different
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a different
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stage
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 But
accordinng
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according
 to them current
stage
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we live
has
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in has
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 not
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 that long ago
compaired
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compared
 to other stages
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apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
.
Due to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
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this,
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 they think
this
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 is
completely
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a completely
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 unnatural
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, man
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man made
Correct your spelling
man-made
 condition change. To supporting to that geological scientist have
discoverd
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discovered
 layers of each
stages
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stage
show examples
 of earth surface has remain so long period of
time
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. Despite
to that
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apply
show examples
natural reasons, recent developments and
realiese
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release
 of unwanted
gassed
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gases
 are
cause
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the cause
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 of current global warming.
Conclusion
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 global warming is a massive challenge that everyone face recent
past
Check wording
years
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.
Although
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this
Linking Words
 has many arguements I personally believe
this
Linking Words
 primaraly happen because of human
ativities
Correct your spelling
activities
 and their direct and indirect results. If
this
Linking Words
 trend continues for
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 period of
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can be a reason
of
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for the extinction of
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 extinct of eveyone who lives in the world.

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the first part: you agree that human action is the main cause of current climate change. Keep this same view in every part.
task response
Explain both sides with clearer reasons. For the natural side, say that Earth has had ice ages over a very long time. For the human side, say that cars, factories, and cutting down trees add gases to the air.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The essay talks about research and rock layers, but it does not explain what these show. Give one simple fact or example, such as more carbon dioxide from burning coal and oil.
task response
Some ideas are not clear, such as the point about stages of Earth. Say exactly how this shows that today’s change is different and faster.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first part with your view, one part on natural change, one part on human causes, and a final part that sums up your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a clear first sentence. For example: “Climate change has happened naturally in the past.” Then explain it. In the next part, write: “However, human action is the main cause of today’s change.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In short”. Do not use long link phrases when the idea after them is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “each and every” and “stage” many times. Use shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You give a clear personal view that human action is the main cause of current climate change.
task response
You try to discuss both natural change in Earth’s past and the role of human action today.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, main parts, and a final part, so the reader can see the overall plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “Although”, “However”, and “Despite”, which shows an attempt to connect ideas.
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