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Writing Samples
Band 6

El Niño is the name of a warm ocean current that affects weather patterns on both sides of the Pacific Ocean. The diagrams compare normal conditions in the Pacific with El Niño conditions.

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El Niño is the name of a warm ocean current that affects weather patterns on both sides of the Pacific Ocean. The diagrams compare normal conditions in the Pacific with El Niño conditions.
The diagram illustrates a
compartion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between normal conditions in the Pacific
sides
Correct word choice
and
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 El
Nino
Correct your spelling
Niño
 conditions, showing the different stages involved in the
process
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it highlights the step-by-step transformation
invovlved fron
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involved from
 the initial phase to the final outcome.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
process
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 consists of two main stages, beginning with normal
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
 and ending with El Nino condition. It is a cyclical
process
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, in which the warm
water
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go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 through several stages before the warm
water
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 is ready to be strom clouds.
At the first stage
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
of
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 the
process
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, the
strom
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storm
 clouds are
fallen
Wrong verb form
falling
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 rain, which
is result
Wrong verb form
results
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 in warm
water
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. After that, weak wind passes the
west
Replace the word
western
 Pacific, which leads to
raining
Correct word choice
rainy
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weather
Use synonyms
 in Australia.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, strong trade winds pass the
east
Replace the word
eastern
 Pacific, which cause sunny
weather
Use synonyms
 in Peru. The cool
water
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 and rich nutrients are
going up
Verb problem
increasing
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. In the following stage, the warm
water
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 are puched eastwards, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 poor nutrients.
In addition
Linking Words
, strong winds pass west Pacific.
As a result
Linking Words
, Australia have sunny
weather
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.
On
Change preposition
In
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 the opposite direction, the weak trade winds
are passed
Wrong verb form
pass
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, which cause raining
weather
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 in Peru,
thus
Linking Words
 completing the
process
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, water, weather with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trade winds
  • upwelling
  • nutrient-rich
  • marine life
  • fisheries
  • thunderstorms
  • weather patterns
  • suppress
  • coral bleaching
  • livelihoods
  • natural disasters
  • emergency response systems
  • economic stability
  • biodiversity
  • crop yields
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