IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think governments should build more train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think building more and wider roads is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation
become
Rephrase
becoming a
 more global
issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
show examples
 it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a
plenty
Check wording
number
show examples
 of problems,
such
Linking Words
 as
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion. The
traffic
Use synonyms
 problems are
one
Use synonyms
 of the most popular reason of headache for
goverments
Use synonyms
.
Part of
Correct determiner usage
Some
show examples
 people have
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should build more
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
 and subway lines to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
 in urban areas. I strongly agree with the
first
Use synonyms
statements
Check wording
statement
show examples
, because it really will solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, comparing with
Use synonyms
first
Punctuation problem
first,
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 the second is
less
Rephrase
apply
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weaker.
Body paragraph 1
The public transports using are common daily routine for most residents,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 prefer
arrive
Verb problem
to arrive
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 somewhere
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own car. The
first
Use synonyms
 statement
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 a huge amount of advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as preserve envoirenment nature,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 enough
spaces
Check wording
space
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 for buildings, and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 view will be a fantastic solution for
mentioned
Add an article
the mentioned
show examples
 problem
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 main trouble
,
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 most people do not encourage
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public transport.
Initially
Linking Words
, to create a new
railways
Check wording
railway
show examples
, the
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfortable and convenient
satisfications
Correct your spelling
satisfactions
 of people.
Altought
Correct your spelling
Although
, the new electrical transports can transfer including
passangers
Correct your spelling
passengers
 and
resourse
Correct your spelling
resources
 that make
this
Linking Words
 opinion more beneficial.
In addition
Linking Words
, the railway can be constructed on top of common roadways and
underground
Add an article
an underground
show examples
one
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
The second view can
effect for
Use the right word
affect
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion only
on
Rephrase
in the
 short term. The roads expanding will not
has a
Rephrase
have an
 impact longer than the
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms
, because most of
roads
Add an article
the roads
show examples
built
Verb problem
are built
show examples
 with calculation and surrounded
with appartment
Rephrase
by apartment
 blocks. The new
creating
Replace the word
creation
 will be more expensive and will not include
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 neighbourhoods around that make
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 directions less important.
As a result
Linking Words
, the new routes will be unnecessary for residents and cover a huge space which could
is
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 used
a
Change preposition
for a
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various
Replace the word
variety
 of buildings.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the new ways
creating
Change preposition
of creating
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 less
stronger
Correct word choice
strong
show examples
 than
the consructing
Rephrase
constructing
 railways for subways and trains. I believe that
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 will not decide to expand alreaady exist road networks, and
instead
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
 they will solve
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different problems with only
one
Use synonyms
 thought
..
Punctuation problem
.
show examples

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task response
You answer both views and give your own view. However, explain each side more fully. Say why wider roads may help at first, and why this help may not last.
task response
Make your main view very clear: new train and subway lines are better because they can carry many people in less space. Then add one clear example, such as a busy city centre at rush hour.
task response
Some ideas are too general or not clear. For example, explain how rail lines protect nature, and why people may not want to use public transport.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. This is a good basic plan. Make the first sentence in each main part clearly state the main idea of that part.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each paragraph. In the first main paragraph, move from benefits of rail to the problem of low use, then explain how to fix it. This will make the order easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a more exact way: “On the one hand”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use a link if the next idea does not follow from it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases such as “the first statements”, “this directions”, and “different problems with only one thought”. Use direct words: “building rail lines”, “this plan”, and “traffic problems”.
task response
You discuss both rail transport and wider roads, and you clearly prefer rail and subway lines.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear overall shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
task response
You include useful points about space, cost, and the fact that wider roads may only help for a short time.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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