IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that international tourism has negative implications on their countries. What is the reason for it? What can be done to change the negative attitudes towards international tourism?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
An ongoing debate on the global
tourism
Use synonyms
 & whether it has a positive or negative impact on the
country
Use synonyms
, there are multiple causes for
this
Linking Words
 & how to amend unwanted attitudes towards
this
Linking Words
 subject will be highlighted in
this
Linking Words
 essay. No one denies the importance of
tourism
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
country's
Add an article
the country's
show examples
 investments
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it must be
alligned
Correct your spelling
aligned
 with instructions that expand the benefits & diminish the negatives.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, we’re going to discuss the reasons behind the negativity. The most common reason is how tourists increase the crowd & traffic within the state that most communities refuse
due to
Linking Words
 it affect how their lives
going
Verb problem
are going
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, product prices become higher by the season that attracts international visitors, which most communities cannot afford.
Third
Add an article
The third
show examples
 reason will be
tourism
Use synonyms
 might
affect the residents harmfully
Correct word order
harm the residents
show examples
 by threatening the safety of their
neighborhoods
Punctuation problem
neighbourhoods,
show examples
 because you don’t know who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
those humans & are
they
Correct word choice
, and whether they
show examples
mentally
Verb problem
are mentally
show examples
 stable
?.
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
, several communities don’t recommend & support
tourism
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can suggest some solutions to change attitudes that can be
summarized
Change the spelling
summarised
show examples
 into three points. The top solution is to
force
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 a
tourism
Use synonyms
fees
Check wording
fee
show examples
 that any global visitor must pay upon entering the
Use synonyms
country
Punctuation problem
country,
show examples
 that increase the
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 fund in a positive way.
Additionally
Linking Words
, any travel agencies that plan & manage trips must provide a list of all human beings who are willing to come that includes personal data, health tests &
relatives
Check wording
relatives'
show examples
 contact
number
Check wording
numbers
show examples
 in case of emergency.
Finally
Linking Words
, job openings related to global visitors should be provided to citizens that ascend the workforce rate & descend the hate towards visitors.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is essential to any culture, but some countries should know the reasons to solve & suggestions to apply & maintain.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why each problem makes local people feel bad about tourism, then show clearly how each plan can help.
task response
Use clear and real examples. For example, say that more visitors can make rent, food, and bus fares cost more in a beach town during the holiday season.
task response
Some ideas need care. Asking for health tests and full personal details may sound too strict and does not directly change local views. Focus more on local jobs, better roads, rules for noise, and limits on crowding.
task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. You can say that tourism can bring money, but it needs good rules so local people also gain from it.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph plan is easy to follow: start, reasons, answers, and end. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph begin with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Do not list points too quickly with words like “Third reason” and “Finally”. Give each point a short explanation and an example before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way: “One reason is...”, “This means that...”, “As a result...”, and “To deal with this...”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear sentences such as “due to it affect how their lives going.” Write shorter, clear sentences: “This affects daily life because roads become busy and travel takes longer.”
coherence and cohesion
In the end, restate the main reasons and the best answers. Do not use very general words such as “reasons to solve” or “suggestions to apply.”
task response
You discuss both the reasons for negative views and ways to improve them.
task response
Your ideas about higher prices, traffic, safety, and local jobs are related to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Moreover”, “Additionally”, and “Finally”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: