Some people think that staying focused on academic is more beneficial for students. Others argue that outdoor activities are less benefits for students’ development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

In recent years,the

choose

Replace the word

choice

saying

focused

Verb problem

has focused

show examples

on academic and engaging in physical outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

. Has become

abroad issue

Correct word order

an issue abroad

show examples

to the general public.Some people argue that focusing on academic

subject

Check wording

subjects

show examples

can bring significant benefits.

However

Linking Words

,it seems to me that outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

plays a

Rephrase

play an

important role in

student’s

Check wording

students’

show examples

overall

Linking Words

development.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand,it is essential to

recognize

Change the spelling

recognise

show examples

that

leanrning

Correct your spelling

learning

should acknowledge the

signicant

Correct your spelling

significant

advantages associated with academic studies provide

student

Check wording

students

show examples

with a wide range of benefits.A crucial consideration is that studying

subject

Add an article

a subject

show examples

is a great way to broad student’s their horizon and develop their critical thinking skills. Which

hights

Correct your spelling

highlights

that it

hepl ‘s

Correct your spelling

helps

broaden their knowledge and understanding.

For example

Linking Words

student

Check wording

students

show examples

who study

mathemics

Correct your spelling

mathematics

and Science can

serves

Wrong verb form

serve

show examples

as a means of satisfying curiosity , updating the

lates and

Correct word choice

latest

show examples

information.

Furtemore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

Fix capitalization

show examples

allows our

improve

Punctuation problem

improve,

show examples

facilitate cultural awareness and global understanding and strengthen self-confidence.

In addition

Linking Words

,another important point to

emphasize

Change the spelling

emphasise

show examples

is that academic learning can promote personal growth by encouraging students to become more disciplined and responsible.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

,it is crucial to examine the opposing viewpoint

that

Change preposition

show examples

outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

.A noteworthy

facto

Correct your spelling

fact

to consider is that physical exercise plays a vital role in

stay heathy

Rephrase

staying healthy

tone

Wrong verb form

toning

show examples

and

sculpt

Wrong verb form

sculpting

show examples

the body,which

emphasizes

Change the spelling

emphasises

show examples

that individuals can serve as a means of

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

both physical and

metal

Use the right word

mental

show examples

well-being.

For instance

Linking Words

, one might refer to

players

Check wording

players'

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

,it is a great way to improve their

cadiovarcuslar body

Correct your spelling

cardiovascular system

and

enhace

Correct your spelling

enhance

the immune system

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

illustrates the potential drawbacks associated with

this

Linking Words

perspective.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it is essential to underscore that engaging in physical

activities

Use synonyms

can

serves

Wrong verb form

serve

show examples

as a perfect way to recharge their battery and expand their social network plays a significant role in

this

Linking Words

discussion.

This

Linking Words

assertion is supported by the fact that participating in outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

allows students to improve their physical health and develop essential social skills.

Conclusion

conclution

Correct your spelling

conclusion

,people should have

further

Linking Words

consideration on

this

Linking Words

issue.In my opinion,

They

Fix capitalization

they

show examples

should maintain a balance and focus on their studies,

while

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

engaging in outdoor physical

activities

Use synonyms

quynhtranhbh

Nov 9, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response

Make your view clear in the first paragraph. Say that you partly agree or disagree, then keep this same view through the essay.

Task response

Answer the exact idea in the question. Explain why outdoor activities are useful, not only describe their good points.

Task response

Use one clear example. For example, explain how team sports can help students make friends, work with others, and feel less stress.

Task response

Develop each main idea with a simple pattern: main point, why it is true, and an example.

Coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear two-side plan, but some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or have many ideas. Use shorter sentences.

Coherence and cohesion

Start each body paragraph with one direct topic sentence. Then add only ideas that support that topic.

Coherence and cohesion

Use linking words in a simple way: On the one hand, For example, Also, On the other hand, and In conclusion. Do not use them when the next idea does not match.

Coherence and cohesion

Avoid repeated or unclear words such as “this” and “it” when the reader cannot see what they mean. Name the idea again, such as “outdoor exercise” or “academic study”.

Language control

Check basic word forms and spelling before you finish. For example, use “academic subjects”, “outdoor activities play”, “students’ development”, and “mental well-being”.

Task response

You discuss both academic study and outdoor activities, and your final view supports a balance between them.

Coherence and cohesion

The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the overall shape is clear.

Task response

You include useful ideas about health, social skills, discipline, and critical thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

4.5

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Is it better to live in a small or a big city? Give reasons and examples to support you answer.
The discussion of whether individuals ought to live in a large town or in a small one has sparked substantial deliberation. While some advocate for residing in a developed city, because it holds numerous job prospects, others contend it, arguing for living in a smaller town, due to having untampered vegetation. Analyzing these facts would give a comprehensive understanding of this subject matter.
7
band
Some people believe that healthcare should be free for all, while others argue that individuals should pay for their own medical costs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, the question of whether governments should make healthcare services free of charge for all residents has been widely debated. Whilst some contend that it is not the government's duty to cover medical expenses for the whole population, others argue that access to healthcare is a basic human right and that it serves both public and private interests. I agree with the latter viewpoint and will present my reasons.
7
band
Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others . To what extent do you agree or dis agree?
Some people argue that physical strength is more important for success in sport, while others believe that mental strength is more important. This essay will discuss both perspectives while explaining why I believe that mental strength is the key to becoming a successful athlete.
7
band
In many countries, the role of education is continuously evolving. Some people believe that traditional education methods, such as lectures and examinations, are the most effective ways to learn. Others argue that new technologies should be incorporated into the education system to enhance the learning experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people prefer using advanced features to improve their study experience. However, it is believed by some people that students learn more effectively with standard education methods. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why an education system with technology is necessary for modern students.
6.5
band
Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and five your op inion.
Art , of all kinds, fosters harmony in societies, nevertheless, governments allocating funds to artists remains a controversial subject. While some people believe that artists deserve to be paid considerably, others argue that funds should be invested in addressing other formidable challenges. However, I agree with the former opinion; in my perspective, well-deserved artists should be paid by the government as they do not rely on the funds generated by taxpayers.

Some people think that staying focused on academic is more beneficial for students. Others argue that outdoor activities are less benefits for students’ development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Is it better to live in a small or a big city? Give reasons and examples to support you answer.

Some people believe that healthcare should be free for all, while others argue that individuals should pay for their own medical costs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others . To what extent do you agree or dis agree?

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and five your op inion.