IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that there should be a complete ban on all forms of advertising. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that advertising is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important thing.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 wants to
band on
Verb problem
ban
show examples
 all forms of advertising, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that there are many countries
depend
Correct pronoun usage
that depend
show examples
 on an adverising in its awareness.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, propaganda is not just for awareness, but
also
Linking Words
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing, and it makes a lot of
many
Check wording
money
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, advertising can be
causes
Rephrase
a cause
 of increasing sales and
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 a supermarket
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a huge market.
In addition
Linking Words
, any restaurant or brand
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 the
markting
Correct your spelling
marketing
 to be wide in the world, which causes
increasing
Replace the word
an increase
 in financial income and
earned
Wrong verb form
earns
show examples
 a huge
badget
Correct your spelling
budget
.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone wants to open a
store
Punctuation problem
store,
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 the
friest
Correct your spelling
first
 thing does is advertising, because it is
due to
Linking Words
rise
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the project.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some advertising has commercial fraud. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that increased demond on product has a low quality, so they do not save on
healty peoble
Correct your spelling
healthy people
, which causes a problems
health
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
nowday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 the marketing is more important than the
qualtiy
Correct your spelling
quality
 of
product
Add an article
the product
show examples
, because it is a cheap cost.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are studies
say
Correct pronoun usage
that say
show examples
 in 2040
will be the most of sale depends
Correct word order
most sales will depend
show examples
 on advertising, so they will low focuse on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 body.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that marketing is not the best measure of rising
sale
Replace the word
sales
 commodities as people have many ways able them to choose a good commodity, which
far
Verb problem
is far
show examples
way
Rephrase
more
show examples
 than publicities

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree with a full ban on ads. Keep this same view in every part.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real or clear example. For example, ads can help a new shop tell people about its goods, but false ads can harm people.
task response
Your second main part has a useful point about false ads and health. Explain how a ban is not the only answer: the law can stop false ads instead.
task response
Make the ending match your main view. The last line says ads are not the best way to raise sales, but it does not clearly answer if all ads should be banned.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: first part gives your view; first body part gives one reason; second body part gives the other side; last part gives a clear final answer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. The first body part moves between public ads, sales, shops, and money. Link these ideas step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'In the end'. Do not use many link words if the idea after them is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. For example, change 'advertising can be causes of increasing sales' to 'Advertising can increase sales.'
language
Check key word forms and spelling: 'ban', 'advertising', 'marketing', 'demand', 'quality', 'healthy people', and 'budget'. Short, correct sentences will make your ideas clearer.
task response
You discuss both the good side of ads, such as helping shops sell goods, and the bad side, such as false ads.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. You also try to use links such as 'To begin with', 'In addition', and 'For example'.
task response
The example of a new store using ads is linked to your main point and helps the reader see your idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ban
  • advertising
  • information dissemination
  • economic growth
  • freedom of speech
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • vulnerable populations
  • regulations
  • privacy concerns
  • cultural homogenization
  • media literacy
  • targeted ads
  • sustainable lifestyles
  • ethics codes
  • purchasing decisions
  • competition
  • innovation
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