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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is a part of life in many places and as a result, this leads to bad effects in lifestyle and diet. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 some places, junk
food
Use synonyms
 is a part of life
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 results in
people
Use synonyms
 having a lethargic
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and a poor diet. I firmly agree with the suggested statement, as it is a convenient and tasty option compared to the
food
Use synonyms
 cooked at home.
Body paragraph 1
Consuming fast
food
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 on a daily basis has various effects on an individual's
lifestyle
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. First of all, junk
food
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 contains preservatives and unhealthy ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as excessive amounts of fats and sugar, and its consumption may
result
Use synonyms
 in obesity and detrimental effects on physical
as well as
Linking Words
 mental health.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study conducted at Oxford University shows that 60% of health problems are a
result
Use synonyms
 of consuming unhealthy
food
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 on a daily basis.
Body paragraph 2
Daily consumption of processed
food
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 is a major reason for
people
Use synonyms
 being lazier. In today's world,
instead
Linking Words
 of cooking at home,
people
Use synonyms
 like to order
food
Use synonyms
 from fast-
food
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 courts like Burger King.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it leads to a reduction in daily physical activity.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
,
people
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 are less likely to have a physically active
lifestyle
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, A friend of mine is so addicted to eating junk
food
Use synonyms
 that he almost forgets cooking.
Body paragraph 3
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, bad eating habits
result
Use synonyms
 in having mood swings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one can react differently to situations
instead
Linking Words
 of staying calm and handling
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I completely agree that because of the daily consumption of fast
food
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,
people
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 are having a lazy
lifestyle
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 and a poor diet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are experiencing physical and mental illness.

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task response
Your main view is clear: you agree that fast food can harm diet and daily life. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why fast food causes people to be less active. Ordering food saves time, but it does not always mean that people do less exercise.
task response
Develop each main point with a fuller chain of ideas. For example: fast food has much fat and sugar, this can lead to weight gain, and weight gain can make daily movement harder.
task response
Be careful with the study about Oxford University. If you cannot give clear facts, use a more general example or explain a common real-life case instead.
task response
The point about mood changes is very short and comes late. Either explain it with a reason and an example, or join it to the paragraph about mental health.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. However, the third body point is only a few lines, so the shape of the essay feels uneven.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use 'Therefore' and 'As a result' often. Try other simple links, such as 'This means that', 'For this reason', and 'In addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one clear idea. The second body paragraph begins with processed food and laziness, but it should explain the link between fast food, time saved, and less movement more directly.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear view from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
Your ideas about poor food, weight gain, and health are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and match your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and you use examples to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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