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Writing Samples
Band 3

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the USA 1960- 2020

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Introduction
The graph
predents
Correct your spelling
presents
 data on the number of professions in four industries of the economy in the US between 1960
and2020
Correct your spelling
and 2020
. The data is measured in millions
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, the Manufacturing jobs started with a gradual increase, but
then
Linking Words
 saw a steady fall.
In contrast
Linking Words
, retail and healthcare witnessed an upward trend. Agriculture was the only sector that experienced a general fall.
Body paragraph 2
In 1960, manufacturing had the highest figures, at 15
million
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 numbers
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
 rose to 20
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980, before falling to 17
million
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and approximately 13
million
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Likewise
Linking Words
, retail increased gradually from around six
million
Use synonyms
 in 1960 to 10
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Afterwards
Add a comma
Afterwards,
show examples
 it reached 15
million
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and finished with roughly 16
millions in
Rephrase
million at
 the end of the period.
Conclusion
Regarding agriculture, jobs fell from 6
million
Use synonyms
 in 1960 to 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980. It remained stable from 1980 to 2000. The figure
then
Linking Words
 dropped steadily to 2
million
Use synonyms
 in the final year. Healthcare saw an upward
.
Check wording
trend.
show examples
 It started with 3
million
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 in 1960 and rose to 5
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980. The figure
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
 climbed sharply to 12
million
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 16
million
Use synonyms
 in 2020

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task response
Give a clear overview of the main changes. State that manufacturing was the largest at first, but retail and health care were the largest by the end. Also say that farming fell over the whole time.
task response
Use more direct comparisons between the four areas. For example, say that retail and health care both ended at about 16 million, while farming was far lower at 2 million.
task response
Check all details and use the same word for the thing shown in the graph. Write “jobs” or “the number of jobs”, not “professions”.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, overview, then details. Keep this plan, but group similar trends together more often, such as retail and health care in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Likewise” is not the best choice before retail, because its change is not the same as manufacturing. Try “Meanwhile” or “By contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentence links smoother and avoid short or incomplete sentences. Change “Healthcare saw an upward” to “Health care showed an upward trend.”
coherence and cohesion
Use correct time phrases: “at the end of the period” and “from 1980 to 2000”. This will make the writing easier to follow.
task response
You describe all four areas and give figures for each key year.
task response
The overview correctly shows the fall in farming and the rise in retail and health care.
coherence and cohesion
The main body is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear focus.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful change words, such as “rose”, “fell”, “remained stable”, and “dropped”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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