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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people like to try new things. For example, places to visit and types of food . Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In
modern
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the modern
show examples
 world,
People are
Verb problem
people
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 have different
opinion
Check wording
opinions
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 on
familiar
Replace the word
familiarising themselves
 with new initiatives. Some of them are
like
Replace the word
likely
 to try new cultures, experience new foods,
while
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 others are more likely to engage with their usual routine. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of
this
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 and give my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, Humans are very interesting on exploring new things,
therefore
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 many of them are likely
like
Verb problem
apply
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to visit new Countries And enjoy their cultures and foods.
For example
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, When I am When I'm getting free time, I would like to travel
new
Rephrase
to a new
 place,
whereas
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 I have never been.
This
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 initiative will enable
to me
Unsplit the infinitive
me to
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 recharge my batteries,
alwayss
Correct your spelling
always
 my mental health. Apart from that, I'm always like to travel differ I'm always like to taste different food varieties, which
increase my dopamine level
Correct word order
also increases my dopamine level
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also
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, there are another type of humans, they would prefer to stay at their homes and
spend
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follow
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 their usual routine.People from
this
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 category, they are argue that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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they are enjoying their life in another way.
For instance
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, my parents are
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
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 in activities
such
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 as gardening, cooking and painting
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Although
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. Although
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 I have invited them
for
Change preposition
apply
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many times to visit new
place
Check wording
places
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, they declined the offer. Their argument is
they
Correct word choice
that they
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 are enjoying what they are doing and
no
Verb problem
have no
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 need to experience new things.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, People must try new things because exploring and experiencing new adventures
are boosting
Wrong verb form
boost
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 energy, happiness, and ideas.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Humans are different to each
others
Check wording
other
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. Some of them like to pursue new challenges
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some of them like to follow their traditional way. From my perspective, it will
be always
Correct word order
always be
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 good to experience new challenges which will be
benefited for
Replace the word
beneficial
 both mentally and physically.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: you show both views and give your own view. To improve, explain each view more fully. Say why people like new places and food, and why others feel happy with the same daily life.
task response
Your own view is clear: you think people should try new things. Give one or two clear reasons, such as learning more, feeling fresh, or meeting new people. Then explain how these things help.
task response
Your examples are personal and related to the topic. Make them clearer and more complete. For example, explain what you learned from a trip or why your parents enjoy gardening at home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, first view, second view, your view, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, write about travel and food in a more direct way. Do not repeat or stop and start the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully, such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. This will make the links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of repeated words and unfinished parts, such as “When I am When I'm” and “I'm always like to travel differ”. Write shorter sentences and check each one before moving on.
task response
You discuss both attitudes and clearly state your own opinion.
task response
The examples about travel, food, and your parents are relevant to the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and include both an introduction and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Novelty
  • Routine
  • Comfort zone
  • Risk-taker
  • Risk-averse
  • Enrichment
  • Personal growth
  • Innovation
  • Creativity
  • Stability
  • Tradition
  • Habit
  • Familiarity
  • Personal enrichment
  • Life stages
  • Fulfilling
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