IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

(CGPT) Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people regard
history
Use synonyms
 as one of the most important school subjects,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 deserve greater priority today.
Although
Linking Words
history
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 understand past decisions and their consequences, I believe
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 give them skills they can use more directly in modern life.
Body paragraph 1
History
Use synonyms
 is valuable because it explains how past events have shaped the world
students
Use synonyms
 live in.
For example
Linking Words
, studying the atomic bombings during the Second World War and later efforts to control nuclear weapons can help
students
Use synonyms
 understand why countries seek international agreements on
such
Linking Words
 weapons. The
history
Use synonyms
 of
science
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 shows how later discoveries grew out of earlier work. By examining these developments in context,
students
Use synonyms
 can consider which lessons from the past apply to the present and how changes in society might limit their relevance.
Body paragraph 2
Science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, help
students
Use synonyms
 evaluate evidence and solve practical problems. The rapid development of vaccines during the COVID-19 pandemic illustrates how researchers can build on existing knowledge to address an urgent need. At school,
students
Use synonyms
 can learn how researchers test whether a vaccine works and what evidence supports their conclusions. These skills can help
students
Use synonyms
 assess conflicting claims they encounter in the news and make informed decisions about health and
technology
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 gives schools a reason to devote more teaching time to these subjects.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
history
Use synonyms
 deserves a place in the curriculum because it helps
students
Use synonyms
 understand how past events have shaped society. I would give greater priority to
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 because the ability to evaluate evidence and apply knowledge is directly relevant to many decisions
students
Use synonyms
 will face.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and make your own view clear. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why science and technology should have more time than history, such as how these subjects can help with work, health, and daily life.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your main ideas. You could add one more short example of a real school task in science or technology to show how students use these skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: opening, one part for history, one part for science and technology, and a short ending. Each part stays on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your links between ideas are good. You can make the flow even smoother by using a few more simple links that show cause or contrast, such as “therefore”, “as a result”, or “in contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold several ideas. Break a few of them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow the point more easily.
task response
You answer all parts of the question. Your own view is clear from the opening and is repeated clearly at the end.
task response
The points about nuclear weapons and COVID-19 vaccines are real, useful examples that support your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea of each body part is easy to find, and the order of ideas is natural.
coherence and cohesion
The ending brings the two views together and gives a clear final choice.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: